Sit, sit on
dist
G.
So
what is the Borla
sauce right here, sir?
More wine.
Yes, sir.
Wake up,
wake up.
What is it?
Chip? Uh
He was calling me Garson.
Who's
Garson
dog gone? You think I was just having a wonderful dream? What about,
what do you think? Food?
What again?
Yeah, and you had to wake me up. I was lonely.
What day is it?
Wednesday?
You said yesterday was Wednesday,
Marilyn. It must be Thursday
must be.
So what?
15 days?
Oh boy. If I ever get out of this, my first meal is gonna be a Humdinger.
A big thick juicy steak
with baked potatoes,
asparagus with hollandaise sauce and chocolate cake and ice cream.
That for me. No, this is for
Simon
Sinko.
This is for you. And you've got a surprise tonight. Turkey steak.
A lovely raw egg floating in your milk
by America's best cook. Elizabeth Lane. Roast goose
Bernaise with walnut dressing. Giblet gravy, cranberry.
Did you enjoy your lunch
by? You mean that mush?
What I don't understand is when a guy's ok and he wants some man sized food,
why they hold out on him?
You forget you out on a rat for 18 days without any food.
Well, your tummy's not ready for solid food. And why is
sacred stomach any different than mine? Why?
Because you starved longer than he did, Jackie,
you gave him the last of that K ration. Remember? And that was a great sacrifice.
That was no sacrifice. Have you ever tasted K ration?
And if I starve longer do they have to try to finish the job? Of course not.
But the doctors know best, all I get is milk, milk, milk. Every time I yawn.
I'm scared, I'll move you
silly boy, I'll get something to eat and be right back. Hi, fella. Hi.
S
say, look, you had steak again yesterday, didn't you?
And today? Chicken Maryland?
Oh brother. How are you working?
You gotta use the old me go,
Jeff.
That's all
the old Magoo
on the go.
Here. We are your favorite. And mine
Elizabeth Lane.
You know, she must be the most wonderful cook in America. Yeah,
I've dreamt about eating one of her seven course meals.
She says
yesterday my son was eight months old. He's getting quite companionable.
I sat him in the kitchen with me while I prepared dinner and what a dinner it was.
I took crisp lettuce,
romaine and crinkly and die from my own garden for my husband's favorite salad
for this. I made a rich creamy blue cheese dressing
then to prepare roast duck. His favorite way I rub salt and pepper inside.
Then brown, the duck in its own fat. Wait, please, would you mind?
I know she's a wonderful woman, a marvelous housekeeper and a great cook. But
would you mind reading something else?
Well, of course not.
How about the New Mayfair? There's a very funny story in it.
I'll get it.
Roast duck
a sink.
What do you want? Now?
You're getting to be a problem child.
What is this old Magoo? You talk about that? Gets you the food, all of that
alec,
that nurse you got. Yeah, she likes you.
Well,
the Magoo.
What? Magoo? Oh, now, listen,
don't you think they like to do those little extra things for a guy who's, uh,
in love with him?
Oh. But it's got to be convincing.
That's where Magoo
is different from Bologna altogether.
But, uh,
just, how far do you have to go?
How hungry are you
that far?
Break a girl's heart that way,
her heart or your stomach?
Hey,
what's my nurse's name?
Married?
Very
here we are,
or
were you for so long? I missed you,
Mary?
Oh, well, how nice.
I mean, well,
I didn't even know you knew my name.
Me,
not know your name.
And,
ah,
what are you gonna get? Steak or? Chops,
chops today. Steak tomorrow? Oh, ok. How about?
Yeah.
Ok.
They, uh,
how far do you have to go
all the way? Yeah. Yeah. She thinks I want to marry her. Nothing else. Worked.
Oh, well, don't you worry. Magoo.
Got you in. Magoo. Will get you out.
Look what I've got. Jeffy, boy.
Look.
Oh, gosh, Mary, you're wonderful. Well, you're powerful. Sweet yourself. Sugar.
We gotta cut that in the bit of pieces
there.
What do you want me to do? Jump for it?
What's the matter? Jeffy?
No, we don't. Oh,
my goodness. I told you the doctors are right,
ma, you're so clever
little Me's feeling mighty blue tonight. Jeff. What's the matter?
Well, I heard that you're getting discharged from the hospital in a week. Yeah.
Gee. Maybe if I could get away you and I might be,
I mean,
I could cook for you.
Yeah.
Jev,
marriage and domesticity.
They frighten you don't. They?
Well, to tell the truth. No, I know what I could tell.
You're afraid of being tied down after the war. I mean,
when you see Mary, I've always been sort of a rolling stone
was an artist, a painter. I never had a home.
I guess I am a little afraid of the idea of. But, yeah, boy, a home is so wonderful.
Oh, I know it is. But the thing to do, Mary is to wait after all, who knows?
You may change your mind too.
Silly boy,
Fiona knew what a difference. A real home with me
just to feel you had it to come back to.
Yeah.
But you'd never known a real home if you had, you'd feel differently,
you know, I was just thinking, honey. But it,
oh, dear,
not now. He's asleep
with you. Two. Getting married.
I don't know. I'm afraid he's bagging out. It's good. He's never had a home.
He doesn't realize why don't you do something about it? Well, do what?
Well,
if he spent Christmas in a real homie home he might.
That's how Sally Jackson took to Marine last year. Yeah.
But whose home everybody I know lives in the hotels of one room.
You have a problem.
Alexander Yardley.
Well, of course,
my dear Mr Yardley.
I hope you will remember
little me.
This is Mary Lee,
the girl who nursed your
granddaughter
back
to help from the measles
Alexander Yardley. Yes, this is Mrs
Residence special delivery.
Thank you.
Yes, sir.
Did my daughter phone. Yes, sir. Midnight last night, sir.
But I thought it best not awaken you, sir.
When is she getting here?
Well, she said that she and your granddaughters can't get away from Washington.
Her war work she said is too heavy.
Say anything else. Uh just that she call you and wish you a Merry Christmas.
Not much of a Christmas for me. All alone. And no, sir, I,
I'm sorry,
sir.
Good morning, Mr Yardley.
Good morning.
Let Elizabeth Lane feature the housewife. One runs in home and garden, doesn't it?
No, sir. It's not housekeeping. Get me. Um, what's his name,
Mr Beecham on the direct wire. The editor,
Mr Beecham. At smart housekeeping set.
This is Alexander
only.
Oh, yes. Yeah. How are you, sir? May I wish you a Merry Christmas?
Well, thank you, sir.
Yes, Mrs Lane's feature is
and,
but uh
but I'm not sure I could do that, Mr Yardley.
Mrs Lane's farm and her home life are something that we have no right to
intrude on even though it only has two things in my editors beat them,
print the truth and obey my orders.
I expect Mr E Lane at four
Elizabeth.
This is Dudley.
I think I better have lunch with you. It's important.
Oh,
well, I'll come over now and see you
from my living room window.
As I write,
I can look out across the broad front lawns of our
farm like a lovely picture postcard of Wintry New England.
In my fireplace, the good cedar logs are burning and crackling.
I just start to go into my gleaming kitchen to test the crumbly
brown goodness of the toasted eel cutlets allow Connecticut in my oven.
Cook these slowly
come in
Miss Lane.
Yes.
Thank you very much, Merry Christmas. Same to you, man,
Felix. Hello. Your breakfast? Oh, Felix.
You should not in this weather and all the
way from the restaurant with no head of coat,
you'll catch cold
pie. Pat
in Budapest. It was summer.
Anyway, it's just around the corner.
And anyway, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't get no restaurant.
Oh, you paid that back. Long ago
this interest
I, she, I knew it. Such breakfast.
Sardines.
Quit the
position.
You mad at your stomach, darling.
Come here. Let me see.
Oh, yummy mushroom
omelet.
Oh. Did you write up those recipes for next month?
What am I cooking?
Look
here.
Breasts of gray
off.
So
with peaches, grana.
No points. Chicken soup with mosel
wine. No points. Oh, that's wonderful. It's your
kid.
What's the matter?
That cold?
What's the meaning? Oh, don't worry. I'm paying for it myself.
It'll take my next six months salary.
Nice, isn't it?
Six months went for a coat
all my life. I promised myself a mink coat.
You know, Felix. It's very important to keep promises, especially to yourself.
You have to promise so expensively, but I needed it. You need it.
Nobody needs a mink coat but a mink.
You don't know what a mink coat does for a girl's morale. That the morale. I know
I had a silk hat once in
bap.
The silk hat. It made me feel so fine.
And then I invited the mead
hotel and got fired with a seal.
Come on in. We
call
out
inside. It's no good too. Oh, this is marvelous.
You know, Felix sometime I'm going to take time out and learn to cook like you do.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Then,
then, then you will find out this is not the way you right now.
All even
funny.
Don't cook
All right.
No, I have to go, darling. Goodbye.
Thanks to meet you.
Oh,
hello, Felix. Hello,
La
Medica.
Don't mention it.
Hello, Liz. We're in a jam. Something terrible is about to happen.
What's the matter?
It's Yardley. He wants to see you right away at his home on Long Island. Really?
Maybe he wants to give me a raise for Christmas. I've certainly helped circulation.
No, darling. It's not a raise. You a fragile dad. Do you want a drink? No. No, thanks.
No, it's really nothing to be nervous about. Not a thing. Don't be silly.
I'm not nervous. I feel fine.
Well, you won't in a minute.
Now. Get this
some fool nurse at the naval hospital.
Wrote to Yardley, ask him to invite a wounded sailor out at your farm for Christmas.
My farm.
00, yes. My farm.
Oh, my farm. And he wants to see you right away to arrange it. Arrange it.
Are you crazy? Where am I going to get a farm? I haven't even got a window box.
That's just it. We'll have to stall him off. You know what a sticker is for the truth.
If he ever finds out we've been making all this up, he'll fire the both of us.
Oh,
well,
it's been nice knowing you.
Well, it's really not as bad as it sounds. It is.
All you have to do is go out there and
tell him that your child has whooping cough or something,
say that you simply couldn't possibly entertain anyone for Christmas.
Your husband wouldn't like it. Oh, yes.
My husband,
of course,
simplest thing in the world you go out and tell
him that you're a much better liar than I am.
Oh,
no, Liz.
He wants to see you
and when you hardly want something, he gets it. Or else
I'd rather get fired than face that old battle ax.
Yes. But what about me?
Remember I have a wife and a family to support.
Now, you're not going to let me down after all. I've done for you.
Oh,
all right. I'll go.
Let me see you. Whooping cough. Maybe scarlet Beaver.
It's a better color for Christmas. Anything. Only call off the sailor Liz.
Now, if you put this over, I'll get a raise for you. I swear I will.
The things a girl will do for a men coat.
Come in.
Well, here I am. Hello, John.
Not early, but the early bird catches the worm. Thanks. Don't mention it.
Why are you so early? I took an earlier train that much longer to be with you, my dear.
It's long. Go away. We're in conference. Oh, don't mind dad today.
We're in a little trouble.
Well, if there's anything I can do, you just have to say the word. You know how I feel.
Elizabeth?
No. How do you feel? Tell us all about it? Say, ah,
ah,
say what is this?
Why don't you go and build those rabbit hutches or whatever it is,
you build multiple dwellings and I don't build them.
I'm an architect. Beat them. Well, go and be it then.
All you want to do is to propose to Liz again and I'll do it for you and get just as good.
A no for you. Well, look here, Liz.
Liz, don't waste time with him.
You have to decide what you're going to say to the old man. What old man?
Oh, it's Yardley. He's sending me a sailor for Christmas. Oh, how nice.
A sailor? Really? Elizabeth. Well, it's just a little trouble we're in.
You see, Yardley thinks I have a farm, a husband and a baby in Connecticut, a farm,
a husband and a baby.
Simple, isn't it? Well, there's obviously only one thing for you to do my dear Sloan.
You keep out of this. Look here.
I've taken just about as much as I'm going to take from you boys.
Please stop quarreling.
Come in
Mrs Lane. Oh, yes. Put it in there.
Oh, then I wish you'd tell the office to stop sending those things here.
Another rocking chair. Yes, you already have. 838. The rest are in the basement.
38 rocking chairs.
Well,
I said in last month's issue that I was searching in vain through
all the antique shops for a rocking chair like granny used to have.
So my public is sending me rocking chairs and that proves how popular you are.
If you get fired,
you'll be robbing the public of the finest
human interest feature in the whole magazine field.
And Dudley beat him of his finest job.
All right. All right. But let's get down to cases.
What are you going to say to the old gentleman?
Well, I simply say, of course, Mr Yardley,
there's nothing I'd rather do than invite this young
man to spend Christmas with me on my farm.
But excellent Mr
Lane. I knew you'd feel that way after all. It's our patriotic duty, isn't it?
The poor young man spent 18 days on a raft,
six weeks in a hospital and he's never had a real home.
You can imagine how much it will mean to him to
have a nice homey Christmas with your wonderful cookie naturally.
But you,
but you cooking Mrs LA.
I follow your diary faithfully.
It is the only thing I ever do read in
my publications and I wouldn't miss it for the world
in October when you had breast of Guinea hen in Madeira. Oh, that was perfection.
Mrs LA. Lucky man. Your husband. Thanks.
And last June strawberry Shanty with rum and egg white.
You stiffen the egg white first, don't you? Before you had the rum.
Oh, yes, definitely. Of course. Of course.
The only way to do it and your Christmas menu, Mrs Lane.
Now that is really magnificent. Roast goose ber noises
with one of stuffing celery. Souffle and real old fashioned plum pudding.
Mr Yardley. Don't worry, I'll take care of everything, Miss Scott.
Take this telegram to Miss Mary Lee Navy Hospital, Staten Island.
In reply to your letter of the 15th Mrs Lane
will be very pleased to entertain your friend Jefferson Jones.
Mr Yardley. There's something you should know.
What is it?
Well, it was just something that you should know. It's my child.
He's been ill with whooping cough, whooping cough.
That's not contagious to adults. My grandchild had it not at all serious.
Nowadays, Mr Y this
is going to be a great story for annex issue. Mrs Lane.
American hero spends Christmas on perfect farm all the boots for circulation.
Yes, indeed.
I believe I'll arrange a nice little bonus for you in recognition of your. Well,
thank you very much, Mr
Y but I know now I know you're not doing this for any mercenary reason.
You're a fine American wife and mother and we are very proud to have you on our staff.
But I guess you could use a little bonus, couldn't you?
Oh, I guess I could explain his friend and allow me to shake your hand. Mrs Lane.
Mr Yardley. I don't know how to try. Don't try my dear.
And thank you very much for coming to see me. Good afternoon, Mrs Lane.
Anything wrong madam? Oh, no, nothing at all.
He's
kind of overpowering, isn't he? Oh, he has a very strong personality. Yeah.
Pardon me, Mrs Lane? But
I'm planning on having a farm in Connecticut myself one day.
I'd like some good bottom land,
bottom land. Yes. That's the best kind for farming, isn't it? Oh,
some people say yes. And some people say no. But what do you say?
Um, I'm inclined to agree with them.
Thank you very much.
What's this? It's the menu for your Christmas dinner.
So, it's what the doctor ordered. Mashed prune whipped cream turnip fluff.
He expects me to eat these barbaric atrocities when I won't.
Mrs Lane,
there's something I wanted.
Mrs Lane. This must be delete.
I know exactly what you're going to say.
Yes, you're going to invite me to join your Christmas party.
Well, Mrs Lane, I'm going to accept with the greatest of pleasure.
Be just wonderful. I'll be there Christmas Eve.
I was going to spend the holidays with my family, but I'm coming to Connecticut.
Well, why not bring the family too?
That's fine.
Ok.
Yeah.
Where was Elizabeth? When she phoned Grand Central Station?
She should be here by now.
I sent her to Yardley to talk him out of it.
Instead he talks her into it. It means she'll lose her job. Of course.
Yeah.
And mine too.
Well,
Merry Christmas,
your friends are waiting in the bar.
What's the matter? Something wrong? Oh, no, no. Just a catastrophe. That's all
that.
So,
yes, sir.
Catastrophe. Well, what is it?
It's from the Greek it means a misfortune, a cataclysm or a serious calamity.
Greek. Serious calamity.
Is
it good?
No, sir. That's bad.
That
say you
yourself.
Double Martini Oscar, please.
Well, every time I open my mouth, he talk, I felt like Charlie mccarthy.
Please come.
This catastrophe. Trouble. Yes, I'm going to lose my job. Felix be
you battery. That's nothing. So you get another job. That's what you think.
Well, I better go phone my wife and give her the glad tidings
come down and you have to eat something right? You must keep up your strength.
Commence with an appetizer. Can I bring some nice chicken Budapest,
some
Felix, some potatoes
or
sounds very palatable. Help yourself, darling.
First. A nice feeling of Mariners
here in
a
la
Elizabeth.
A
show
cuts really great.
Sometimes these things happen for the best baloney and I think I,
I've worked building up that job.
Well, there's another job waiting for you. If you want it. There is. Yes.
The job of being Mrs John Sloan. Darling.
Horse radish.
Well, that's sweet of you John,
but I don't feel that way about you and it wouldn't be fair.
Well, I'm willing to take a chance. I'm sure I can make you care for me in time.
Nuts.
Why N
pickle pickled walnuts? Excellent.
Come on,
I read
on myself.
Eat everything we got.
Well, Felix bring us some wine. Will you something very good but not too expensive.
One in 1930. 7. Yes. Five.
Yes, sir.
Well, Elizabeth, how about it?
You know, you need someone to look after you,
but I don't love you, John. All that will come in good tight.
Could you wait that long?
I think so.
Saying no to your proposals has become a habit.
Yes. It's a bad habit. You must break yourself of it
and it becomes harder and harder to find an excuse to say no.
Well, you can't blame it on your career this time because you haven't got one.
You're right.
I
just can't think of another excuse.
You could say that you love someone else,
but I don't. No.
Let me think.
Oh,
what am I?
You, you mean, you mean you will marry me?
Well, if you really want me knowing how I feel. Do I, darling?
Well, don't mind me that we're going to be married. What?
Hey, now, look here, Elizabeth. It isn't that bad. It really beach.
It's a good idea. Dad. In fact, I think I'll rather enjoy living on a farm after a farm.
John's farm. It's in Connecticut. That's where I got most of my coffee. Say.
That's right. You have got a farm, haven't you
congratulate me? This is the happiest day of my life.
Well, aren't you getting a bit mixed? It's the happiest day of my life.
Of course, John. Congratulations,
Elizabeth. I think you've made a very wise decision.
In fact, I think you two should get very married. Right away.
And there we are a husband, a farm in Connecticut. Now, all we need is a baby.
What are you getting at?
What's the harm of having Yardley and a sailor up at your farm for Christmas?
Yardley and a sailor on my honeymoon. Are you crazy,
Elizabeth? I just talked with my wife.
You told her
I didn't have the heart.
She told me what she was getting the kids for Christmas and
well, I,
she sounded so happy.
Of course, I know it's asking a lot. But
when a pal is in a jam,
John, darling,
it would only be for a few days. And after all, dad's been so good to me.
I am getting out of it now. Thanks to you.
Oh, John couldn't we. So he won't lose his job.
Elizabeth. I know I shall regret this for the rest of my life.
But if it's what you want, oh, Johnny, you're a lamb Sloan. I take everything back.
I'll never forget this. I thank you and my family. Thank you. Wait a minute.
It's no good. Why not? I can't cook. She can't cook. Why she can't cook.
Felix. You'll take him with you. He'll do anything for you, Felix.
Yes, Mr
Meacham
Felix. I have great news for you.
May I have the honor of announcing to you the
engagement of our dear Elizabeth and Mr John Sloan,
a prince of good fellows.
Thank you.
It's true. Yes, Felix. I decided quite suddenly congratulate him. Felix.
It's colossal,
colossal.
So.
Oh, Mr Slo A Merry Christmas. The same to you, Miss Lane.
Thank you, Lara Merry Christmas to you too.
So he finally talked you into marrying him.
Congratulations Mr Sloan. Thank you, Nora. Has Judge Cruthers arrived here?
No, sir. But he's on his way. He phoned.
That'll be a dollar even
there you are and
that's for you.
Well, shall I carry you in, darling? No, thank you. We're not married yet.
Oh, John, it looks lovely
just the way I described it in the Christmas issue. I'm glad you like it.
Oh, Nora, this is Felix Basan.
He's gonna help you with the cooking. Help me,
help me. We're having two guests. They'll be arriving later.
I hope you have their rooms ready. Everything's ready, Mr Sloan.
If you come this way, I'll show you the kitchen, Mr Bastard
Oak.
Just call me Felix.
I hope you like it here, Felix me. I don't like the country.
Oh, it's real cozy here. We have a horse and a cow.
I hate horses and cows don't like me either.
Where's the kitchen?
The
soon
your
book?
Well, darling, you look wonderful.
But uh won't they think that outfit's a little ultra for Elizabeth Lane.
The housewife? Oh, I'll change before they come after all.
A girl has to be dressed up on her wedding day.
Do you really?
Oh, what's the matter? What'll I say to Yardley and the sailor about.
What about the baby? The one I've written about, they'll expect to see him.
We forgot about the baby. You forgot about the baby. You mean
come with me.
But John, darling, if there's one thing an architect thinks of it's details.
I told you I'd attend to everything
but John, come
along.
There's your baby.
Oh,
child.
Where did you get it? Nora's been looking after him for a neighbor, Mrs Wright.
She works in a war plant in the village and her husband's in the army.
The baby stays here quite late tonight.
Hello.
Lovely kids.
Oh, John, this is wonderful.
I was worried, didn't I tell you that all your worries are over?
Yes, I guess they are all right.
You are very sweet to me, John.
Yes, I always think of details.
I was designing a house once for plumbing
instead of ordinary pipes. They had to be double ribbed ones.
It's nothing I just thought.
Yes, darling.
When you're kissing me,
don't talk about plumbing.
Oh,
sorry, of course not. But what shall I talk about?
Well, do you, do you have to talk
you quaint little thing,
Mr Sloan Judge Crothers is here. I put him in the den. Oh, thanks. Nora.
Well, darling,
anything wrong, darling. No, no, nothing at all.
I, I
think I'll freshen up a bit. Oh, certainly. But don't be too long.
No, I won't.
John,
don't you think? We
don't? I think what? Dear?
Nothing.
Ah, Judge. How are you supposed
to be here?
Congratulations. Thank you. Where's the little Brian? She's, he'll be right down.
I thought we'd hold the ceremony in here. My, my lovely room for a wedding.
How about right here by the mantle for the ceremony? The mantle. Splendid idea.
Now, suppose you stand right over here, judge.
That's right. Just like that. Oh, no, no, not there. I came here to marry you.
Not to be roasted for your Christmas dinner.
Ok.
Ah,
cha
catastrophe. What do you mean? Catastrophe? Catastrophe
is a verb from the Greeks. It means let's go
and
have you understand, this is the finest kitchen in Connecticut. Mr Basil Knocker.
Just call me Felix. That's the
smell.
That's Irish stew.
Kash with sir
lips.
Catastrophe.
It isn't goulash. It's good old Irish stew. Maybe old but not good such goulash.
I tell you it isn't
goulash.
Oh,
yes.
A
that will fix it.
Now it's
Kash.
Come on. No. And Felix, we're gonna need you as witnesses. Merciful heavens.
The wedding is it? I better kick off me apron. How do I look? How do you look? Is it you?
That's getting married?
I wish.
Ah, here she is Judge Elizabeth. This is Judge Crothers. How do you do
Eliab?
Even?
It's not me. It's hard.
I'm Nora. Oh, you're not.
I declare, well, I'm delighted to meet you.
My dear John's very lucky to get such a lovely bride. Thank you.
This is my Uncle Felix. How are you?
Not good.
I suppose you'll give the bride away, Uncle Felix. Me.
I don't give nobody away. Always. I keep my mouth shut.
If you'll kindly step this way, please
join hands. Please,
dearly beloved. We are gathered together in the site. Wait, wait a minute.
Excuse me, please.
A wedding with no music. That's impossible.
You're quite right.
I have hit a record of the wedding march, especially for the occasion.
Remember the details. But John couldn't we have Mozart or no, no, no, darling. No.
The wedding march is the conventional thing.
Proceed. Judge
dearly beloved. We are gathered together in,
oh, John is the sailor. He's two hours early. What we
do?
It's a rather peculiar situation.
Judge, I'm afraid we'll have to propose the ceremony. Take him into the other room.
No, no, no, no. N
you wake up a baker baby.
Well, it's borrowed. I mean, it's adopted.
Oh, go ahead, Nora Nora. Turn off the music and don't forget to call me Mr Sloan.
What already?
Quartermaster Jones reporting
Merry Christmas. Mr Jones.
Your uh your mother invited me. Elizabeth Lane. No, I'm Elizabeth Lane.
It's my pen name. I'm really Mrs Sloan,
won't you? Come in
me?
This is my Uncle Felix. Oh,
how did you do?
I'm sorry. I guess I didn't expect.
I mean, I thought you were,
oh, I,
I brought a present for you. That'll be a dollar eating commander. Ok.
Gee, thanks,
Merry. Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Well,
I,
uh,
I guess I
pictured you older. Yes, everyone does.
It's
lovely, isn't it? Uncle Felix? Wonderful.
That's what you need.
I read in your column where you trying to buy one and couldn't. So, I,
I hope you like it.
Of course, I do.
Uh, my old man was an expert with rocking chairs. He
said he used to solve all his problems as in one.
But you have to know how to rock, don't you just rock? Oh, no,
no, no,
I'll show you,
I suppose you're tired and worried about a problem.
Well, then you rock like this.
Like you're on a ship
away from everything.
Rolling, soft and smooth over the open sea.
Well, then you get to thinking slow and calm,
get it.
That's the ocean rock. I had never thought of that before.
Then there's the horseback rock. When you can't sit still, you're jittery.
You gotta be doing something and you rock like this very fast.
Then the,
the lazy rock when there's something crust room you want to
get and you're too lazy to get up and get it.
When you just
rock over and get it.
Only chair in the world, you can crush the room without getting up.
I never knew there was so much to a rocking to you.
Won't you take off your things?
Gosh, your house is wonderful.
I got all the back copies of the magazine and read them.
So I'd know about you before I got up here. We read all about you too.
Certainly swell. You ought to have me up here.
We're very proud to have you here.
Yeah.
Um, the baby, of course, the baby's so weak,
he woke up rather early. It
must be time for
something.
It could be. Oh,
I know.
It's time for the baby's bath.
Is it?
Yes, I read all about it in your articles. 00, yes, it is.
They're awfully cute in the tub.
Yes. Aren't they?
Well, do you mind if I watch
what?
Oh,
no,
Felix. You stay in there. Everything is fine. Where did they go?
They are going to wash the baby. Good heavens. Both of them.
Anything wrong, wrong. Oh, no, no, nothing at all. I'm sorry.
Judge, I'm afraid we'll have to postpone the ceremony for a while.
Oh, that's all right. Anytime
I make you a nice martini. Good
two martinis. Judge two Manhattan.
Well,
all set. Maybe I shouldn't bathe them today. It's rather cold.
But don't they have to be bathed every day? No, no, that's the old fashioned idea.
Oh, gosh, you're not gonna disappoint me. Are you?
No, I guess not.
But
he's a cute one.
What's his name? His name?
Um,
Robert. Robert.
Oh, that's a nice name.
Does he talk yet?
No. No.
Does he like his baths? Oh, yes, he loves them,
I think.
Ok.
Shall I, shall I test the water for you? Oh. Yes, please.
I always test the water for her.
People seem to know something about bathing a baby. Oh, yes. I used to bathe.
My sister's kids.
You did? Oh, sure. Lots of times. Really? It's ok.
Oh, yes. I'm an expert.
My sister's baby's got so used to me they practically raise the roof.
I didn't take over at bath time. Oh, he's in that room?
Wonderful.
You mean you're gonna let me? Oh, well, if you're real careful. Sure.
Oh, come on, Skipper,
come on, Skipper. We're gonna get along great. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, here we go
into the drink. Yep. Yep.
Oh, do
we,
did you say the baby's name was Robert? Yes.
Uh,
no. No. Uh, Roberta.
Oh,
soap,
soap there.
Sponge. Sponge.
We never use one. It isn't sanitary here.
How?
Ok.
Oh, it's such a relief to have someone else do it for a change.
It gets sort of monotonous bathing hymn to her day after day, after day.
Hey, take it easy there. Princess. You're rocking the boat.
Oh, so Roberta. How naughty of you
here. Wi the door
there that all right over
here.
Thanks. Oh, Roberto, she's eating the c, what'll I do? What do they all do it?
Oh,
really?
You'd make a wonderful father. Mr Jones.
You're,
you're not married yourself by any chance, are you?
No cards are stacked against me.
I guess every time I meet a girl I like it turns out she's already married.
Oh, that's too bad.
But you would get married if you found someone you liked who wasn't married.
Well, it
must be pretty nice to have a home to come to a
little lady like this.
Uh,
she doesn't look like you.
Does it? Does she look like your husband? Good heavens. Now,
I knew I should regret this. Me also. Now Harry Yardley will be here at any moment.
Now you go into the kitchen, get the drinks for the judge,
bring them in here and in the meantime, I'll keep him entertained.
Are you ready yet? No, not quite, not quite, just a few more minutes.
Well, I hope it won't be too long.
I've got to get home and trim my Christmas tree, trim your Christmas tree. Eh,
then I'm going to hang up my stocking.
00, I
know. I recommend. No, not. Well,
I'm
sorry,
I'm
sorry.
How do you do?
I'm Alex
Al
Ali.
Oh, yes. Yes. Uh How do you do? I'm John Sloan is uh Mrs Lane in Mrs Lane.
You mean uh Mrs Sloan? I'm Mr Sloan. Elizabeth Lane's husband.
Yes, that's, yes, that's right. Uh Elizabeth Lane's husband. Come in, won't you?
Thank you.
Well, I'm, I'm delighted to see you Mr Yardley.
The pleasure's all mine, Mr Sloan, who is most considerate of your wife to ask me,
where is the little lady?
Oh, is she? She's bathing the baby? And I think Mr Jones is helping her.
Well, well, that's what I call real hospitality.
Taking the pole ad right into your domestic life.
I am deeply touched Mr Sloan, deeply touched your wife's a wonderful woman.
Thank you. May I take these,
have your coat?
Ok.
Well, it's just about time to feed her,
feed her. Oh,
yes. Well, you do this and I'll go get her dinner.
Ok.
Well, Princess,
how are we doing, huh?
Yeah,
there we are.
Ah, Elizabeth, darling. Oh, Merry Christmas. Mr Hardley.
Merry Christmas, my dear Mrs Lane, or rather Mrs Slow.
It's a great privilege. A great privilege. I've been admiring your charming room.
It's exactly as you described it. But uh
where is the spinning wheel?
The spinning wheel? Oh, yes. The spinning wheel you wrote about it last month.
Yes, it's,
oh, it's not being repaired. You know how antiques are. Oh, yes, of course.
But what a delightful room. Such a magnificent fireplace.
I like a good generous fireplace. It makes a room so friendly and warm, doesn't it?
Yes, indeed. Yes. I specialize in fireplaces. Mr Yardley.
I will never allow any of my clients to plan without one,
but we don't depend entirely on the fireplace to warm the house. No.
Oh, no, no, I should say not. No.
We have unit heat and each heating pipe has a triple
wall jacket and all the outside walls are double insulated.
How interesting.
Yes.
Well, here we are molly, all dressed and ready for child.
Mr Yardley. This is Mr Jones. Mighty proud to meet you Jones. Mighty proud.
Thank you very much, sir. And this is my husband. How'd you do? How do you do?
It's a mighty fine baby you have here, Mr Lane Sloan is the name. Whoa.
Well, what a chub
goo
goo, goo, goo.
Oh,
that's no way to treat a stranger. I'll take it off. Have Nora feed it tonight.
Uh
Lisa,
he looks good and you better than a mean Co
Felix. How I need one of them for the
judge. Oh, Mr Yardley, this is my Uncle Felix. Mer.
Same to you. Oh, and how very thoughtful of you, sir.
Excuse me, dear. Uh Speaking of fireplaces, Mr
Yardley, I'd like to take you and show you a little ingenious thing.
I brought you all the one. Be too
chatty. Well, thank you very much Uncle Phoenix, but I can't wait any longer.
I've got to get home and trim my Christmas tree. Please. I tell them you can be.
Well, yes, of course. I don't live very far just on the way down the road.
They can call me here. Here's my card. It's very nice. Very
well.
This way, please come, come, come, come, come this
out the window or a short cutter.
Thank you DN.
It's a pleasure.
Merry Christmas.
Ok.
But your
ad
moth
proof closets, filtered ventilation and indirect lighting.
As you see,
I've introduced all modern conveniences without sacrificing the traditionals.
Splendid, splendid.
And I suppose Elizabeth contributed her ideas. Elizabeth.
Oh, yes.
No, no, I should say not. I'm the architect.
I never allow anyone to interfere with my plans.
Oh, Felix. Yes.
Everything. Ok.
Hunky donkey.
Now I go to the kitchen and make such a wonderful dinner like you never had before.
But I thought Mr Sloan was going to cook the dinner. Oh,
Uncle Felix is going to help me.
As a matter of fact,
I've taught him everything he knows and he always uses my recipes, don't you?
Uncle Felix? He thought it would be nice to relieve me in the kitchen today.
So I'd have more time to spend with my guests. Well, that's very thoughtful of him.
But if you'll forgive my saying so, Uncle Felix,
I won't feel quite the same as if you had cooked it, Mrs slow
and believe me, you will feel much better.
Be
a,
um,
he
fights that boy.
Yes.
We
on dreamless sleep. The silent stars.
Yet in my dark street
sh
the everlasting.
But
the hopes and the fears are more.
Four
years.
All
me.
The
A to,
oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Don't stop.
I'm wishing that I may.
I'm wishing that I might have the wish that I wish to not.
I've told my lucky star
all the wish that I made
and every time so far
she's come to my,
it may not be today.
It may not be tonight,
but I'm sure it will be all right.
And maybe by tomorrow,
if I wish with all my mom,
I might have a wish. I wish
would not
American housekeeping.
That's our competitor, imitators in all departments,
format layout and contributors.
Now, they've instituted a Betty Keane column. A complete steal on Elizabeth Lane.
Imitation is a sincere as flattering.
That is not all Betty Kane is going to have a baby.
No. Yes, sir.
We've got to nip it in the bud
the baby. I'll tell you how we can kill two birds with one stone. A murder.
Oh my dear, sir. Last May our circulation jumped 200,000, think of it.
200,000 new readers with the money show.
Do you know why? I
can't imagine another brandy? Thank you
because your wife had a baby. She did. I mean we did
23 pages of new advertisements. All baby food,
a fan mayor went up 100%
100% think of it.
Other new mothers all over the country were interested.
That is the key of my success in the magazine field. Human interest home appeal.
Do you follow me? Yes, go ahead. It's very interesting.
One baby, 200,002 babies, 400,000 babies boost circulation.
Now, Betty Kane is going to have her baby in September.
We can steal our thunder and boost circulation at the same time if we beat her to it,
beat her to it. Have another baby, my dear. So and have another baby.
Any hopes?
Oh, Mr Yardley.
Elizabeth's a very busy woman and having babies to boost your circulation.
Takes time.
Take all the time. You need my dear, sir. All the time you need.
No, thank you.
Yes. Nora telephone for you, Mr Sloan. Oh,
excuse me, Mr Yardley.
Oh,
hello, Judge. Yes, I'm glad you called.
What? 15 minutes? Oh, my goodness.
Yes, indeed.
Absolutely. All right. Well, I, I'll arrange everything.
Ok. Goodbye.
Well, my Children, I guess it's bedtime. We retire early on the farm.
Come along. Elizabeth
John. It's Christmas Eve. The judge will be here in 15 minutes.
I'm just about ready to turn in. Nothing like a good dinner to make a man sleepy.
I'm very grateful to you for your hospitality, Mrs Sloan.
You're welcome, Mr Yardley. I'll just turn out the lights, dear.
Good night, everybody.
Good night. Good night.
Good night, Mr Yardley. I hope you sleep.
Well, I'm sure I shall in that fine old colonial fourposter. Good night, Mrs Love.
Good night Jones. Good night, Mr Yardley.
12.
Good night, Mr Sloan.
Good night, Mr Jones.
Good night, Nora.
Good night.
Well, I have all the brazen
right in front of my fair eyes.
Well, I arranged that very neatly, didn't I dear?
Yes, you did. I had to think that in 15 minutes we should be man and wife.
No.
Where are you going,
Mr Sloan?
I've been working for you five years
and never did I believe that you'd be the kind of a man that would, of
course, I'm not blaming you entirely. It's the woman that leads the man at three.
What are you talking about?
I'm quitting
Christmas or no Christmas. I'm quitting, but you can't leave now.
We shall need you as a witness.
The judge will be here in a few moments to perform the ceremony.
Sense of mercy. What have I been saying at all?
Honestly? And I didn't mean it. I apologize.
Oh, glory be, I could bite me wicked tongue out so I could never mind.
No, it's all right.
Oh,
bless your heart. Me. Sure. I might have known you weren't the kind.
That was just that I, oh, forget it. No,
thank you, Miss,
er, tis all the luck in the world. I do be wishing you both. Thanks.
Well, I'll go and take my things off now.
Hi, Judge,
I didn't, I see you to come back again. Not at all. Sloan. Not at all.
My conscience would let me rest until you do a married.
Good evening, Miss Lane.
Good evening.
Come along. Elizabeth. The judge hasn't much time.
Well, come on, dear.
Oh,
let's go into the dead. It's more private there.
Look out quick. Someone's coming. Come on
and then,
hello?
Well, how did you get down here,
down the back stairs?
I'm still catching up with my nourishment.
Have a drumstick. Hm.
Don't mind if I knew.
Mm.
A nice cold
chablis.
Nothing like it with a drumstick. How about it, Jones? I wish I could.
A good bender might make me feel better. I suppose.
An experience like yours leaves a fellow wobbly, eh,
Mr Yardley.
Do you think
Mrs Sloan is happy with her husband? Why he said to me he's a nice sensible chap.
Steady, conscientious, successful.
Yeah. I guess that kind does make a good husband
indubitably my boy indubitably a fine cover.
What's he doing now? I don't know. He's still in the kitchen.
I hear voices. We can't wait any longer. Let's get on with the ceremony.
What about witnesses? We
must have witnesses. I'll get Felix and no. All right, David. Hurry, hurry
for six weeks. Mr Yardley.
You don't know how wonderful it is for a guy to
be able to come downstairs and raid an ice box.
You're telling me
I've been on a diet of cream turnip puff.
What were they picking on you for? The doctor says I'm too fat.
Can you imagine that? He began feeling better?
The minute I stopped paying any attention to him.
Mrs Sloan can certainly roast a chicken. Cold chicken is my weakness.
Have some more chicken, sir.
Thank you.
Oh, hello.
Caught us red handed, didn't you? Not at all? I'm glad you feel at home.
How about a wing? Was there? Oh, no, thank you. I couldn't eat a thing. A glass of wine.
No, I must be going. No. Wait a
while.
No. Really? I have to go if you'll excuse me.
What's that?
Oh, that must be Makola.
Mala.
Your cow. That's right.
You did say in one of your articles you wouldn't settle
down unless you go in and bid a good night.
Well, hello?
Aka,
I'll have you put her back in the pond if you like. That's very nice of you, Mr Jones.
But I don't think i, it's no trouble at all.
I'll get your coat for it.
The perfect pastor touch. This is a real experience, won't you finish your supper?
Thank you, Mrs Thorne.
Would you mind if I came down and watch you cook breakfast in the morning?
Watch me cook breakfast.
Yes,
I remember what you said about the charm of an attractive woman performing
a homey little task of flipping flapjacks with the smell of good coffee
and sizzling bacon in a sunny kitchen. I'm homesick for a sight like that.
Well, you see Nora usually fixes breakfast.
You do it tomorrow just for me, won't you Mr
Yard?
This is the only one I could find.
Hold everything. We'll be right with you Mr Jones. I'm very tired.
I think I'd better call Nora.
So boys, so boys,
so boys
and I'll quit your griping.
Yeah.
Here she is.
What a night,
what a night.
Moonlight, snow
and a cow.
Do all animals take to you, Mr Sloan? Oh, yes, of course. Some more than others.
Yes. They have their likes and dislikes just like human beings. Yes.
Myself, I like most people,
some more than others. Of course.
Is there anyone you like more than the others at the moment?
Definitely.
Of a
girl.
Yes.
Are you in love with her?
Well,
in a way, yes. In what way?
Well, I,
I admire very much.
I think she's about the smallest person I ever met.
Is that as far as it goes,
she's, uh, she's married?
Oh,
that's, uh,
does she like animals?
Yes.
Do animals like her?
Oh, yes.
Does she live on a farm?
Um,
yes. Jefferson Jones. Are you flirting with me? Oh, no, I
apologize. I'm flattered.
It's always intriguing to a married woman to
find she's still attractive to the opposite sex.
But I
do, I attract you.
Yes.
But you see, you were so different from what I expected. I was not for aloof.
You said it?
Oh, how nice.
But I shouldn't have told you you're being married and all that. I,
but, you know, I find it hard to believe you are married.
I find it pretty difficult myself.
You,
you don't act as if you were married. I don't feel as if I was married.
Really? Uh huh.
It must be the
moonlight in the snow
and the cow.
Oh, where is the cow?
Oh,
you must have dropped the rope. It could be. My
hands got so cold.
Oh,
gosh, they are cold. Let me warm them for you.
Oh, that's fine.
A
have,
have you ever kissed a married woman?
No.
Huh?
No, you're not the type.
I, I wish I was.
Oh, me too.
Well,
that's that.
Yeah.
Yes, it is.
Better. Look for the cow.
Yes. I, I guess we had better.
Oh, there she is.
That's the barn.
It is. I mean, it is. Yeah.
Uh, do you think she, she got back there all by herself? Maybe
there she is.
Nice cow,
lovely brown eyes.
Oh, no, no, they're gray. Really? All the cows I ever knew had brown woods.
Nice firm run.
Well, good night, Makos.
Good night, Macos.
Thank you so much,
Elizabeth. Are you all right?
Oh, I feel wonderful, darling.
How are you?
I thought you'd gone to bed. No,
dear. One or two things we have to discuss tonight.
It's been a very upsetting evening.
I mean, of all the insane inconsiderate things to do.
Could I help it if the cow got loose? But Carl the cow are fine. How do you do?
The judge was very annoyed.
Oh, was he?
Yes. Do you mind?
But really
this is very awkward. I mean, where are we going to? Where am I going to sleep tonight?
You sleep in your room and I've already put my things in the guest bedroom.
No, fine and this is my wedding night. Go to bed, John.
But darling, we've got to get these things set up, go to bed John.
All right, if you insist, but the judge will be here first thing in the morning and I,
good night, John.
Good night,
please.
But I shan't sleep a wink.
Must win
the cow.
What's happened then? Nothing. The judge went home now. I like cows. Oh, Felix.
He's so wonderful.
Sure. They are fine animals. Milk and cream. Take it in butter too and buttermilk.
No, no, I mean, Mr Jones.
Uh,
I've never met anyone like him before in my whole life. Oh Lisa.
Lisa,
you give me goose
pimples. Watch. Now
I'll show you how to flip, flop, the flop flips.
Oh,
you see, it's easy,
right? You try
throw it up.
Not on the soul
in the p
Sorry. You see
what's
up?
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Oh
yeah.
Take this.
So it's up high, high, high. Oh,
please
come. Let you cook on the typewriter. Oh, Felix, what am I going to do?
Don't ask me after I can.
I'll answer
and
this is
k
thank you so much for taking care of our babies while we work.
Mrs Wright told me you took care of hers.
Where is her baby? Oh, she doesn't need to leave her baby today. She's not working.
I have to work so I'll leave you mine. Yes, but I have to go to work.
Thank you so much, darling. Be careful. He's no trouble at all. His name's Louis.
I'm late to the factory. Bye
bye.
Hey.
Oh, Felix. This is awful. We have a new baby. It's a boy.
It's like
sometimes you get
sometimes
boys.
Oh, here, quick. Take it,
take it around the back to the bedroom.
Hello. Good morning, Merry Christmas.
I hope I'm inclined to see you flip the flapjacks.
I'm not in a flipping mood this morning. Mr Yardley. Nora will attend a breakfast.
Nora. Mr Yardley wants to watch you flap. I mean, flip the flapjacks.
I don't flip them. I scoop them. Won't you flip just one for me, please?
I never flipped in my life and I'm not gonna start flipping now for nobody.
Elizabeth. Yes. Oh, I must go now if you'll excuse me, please.
I've been looking for you everywhere. The judge is in the study.
Let's hurry before anyone sees us.
But John couldn't we all have breakfast?
Oh, there you are. Now, if you'll stand here, please and join hands,
uh, where are the witnesses?
Mrs Zul?
Oh, excuse me.
Well,
this looks like a wedding. It does.
I mean, it is, you see, it's an old custom.
We were married on Christmas Day,
so we usually repeat the ceremony every Christmas.
Well, well, what a charming idea. I hope you don't mind my being here.
I'm quite a sentimentalist myself. Now, all we need is one more witness.
Suppose I get Mr Jones. Oh, no, no, I'll get Felix. No, no, you stay here.
I'll get Felix.
Felix.
The judge is here. Which will lead you as a witness. But Mr Slow, something happened.
Something terrible catastrophe.
What is it? The baby,
the baby, my watch, I gave him to play it if he put it in her mouth.
Because my watch.
You mean to say the baby swallowed your watch?
Oh, good heavens. I must call a doctor. The police do. It was a gold watch
of trouble. The baby swallowed his watch. I'm calling a doctor. Oh, how awful.
I must go to it
now. Don't get excited. Mr Sloan babies often swallow things like that.
Poor darling. Get you a little tummy.
That's strange.
He looks different this morning.
Well, wouldn't you look different if you'd swallowed a watch?
But he's blonde,
his teeth
and he talk Mr Yardley. This is no time to take inventory.
Oh,
please go. I must get him quiet. Please go.
Most extraordinary thing I ever saw.
How is it?
There's only one thing to do. Sloan. A good dose of castor oil.
Well, I'll go upstairs and see if we have any.
When is that doctor going to get here?
I wouldn't want anything to happen to that baby. It would ruin the circulation.
It wouldn't do the baby. No good. Neither
Felix. This is awful. Has the doctor arrived yet?
No. But the judgment in form
in that, in
that
house,
Felix.
Oh, Felix. You did it to stop the wedding.
If a cow can do it, I can do it. Oh, Felix. You're wonderful.
Excuse me?
What's the matter?
The baby swallowed a watch.
He swallowed what Felix's watch
he gave
back.
The baby swallowed that.
Everything is hunky, lumpy.
Still going. How is the child? Is it all right? Oh, perfectly fine.
Where's Mr Yardley? I think he's in the den. Let's have breakfast.
Good morning, Mr Jones. Good morning.
You having lots of excitement around here this morning? Yes. But it's all over.
Now, do you mind if I see the baby? Oh, no, you mustn't.
It's just been through a very trying experience and I want it to rest.
Suppose you have breakfast. Nora's making some lovely pancakes.
Where's the judge?
He will be back later.
But if you don't get married, then you will have to wait until next year.
Well, that settles it. Elizabeth. I'm tired of having my marriage put off.
I'm going to tell Mr Yardley the truth. No, John, please.
I think it's best with SCAD.
Then the bags
are the,
somebody gets scratched.
Hm.
Mr Yada.
There's something I wanted to talk to you about.
There's something I want to talk to you about too soon. Something important.
But what I am a man of keen observation, I'm not easily fooled.
I know the real from the fraudulent every time. Exactly. I knew you'd realize.
And that's why decided models are yours. Of course. Yes, of course.
They are splendid Sloan. And that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Those Yes, I told you about my competitor in the magazine
Field. American Housekeeping.
Well, I'm going to keep 10 jumps ahead of them. I'm starting a new department for Mr.
Build your own home section for post war planning. I need an editor for its, though.
A man who is honest and dependable. I know you're the real thing.
Of course, I know you're pretty busy, but this thing will pay well.
It all sounds very wonderful, Mr
Yard. You bet it's wonderful. It's the biggest promotion plan in the country.
And the tie up of the Elizabeth Lane feature will put it over.
I can see our February cover right now, beginning in this issue, John Sloan,
Elizabeth Lane's husband conducts our new home planning
department and you'll put that on the cover.
That's right. Now, what is it you wanted to tell me?
Well, as a matter of fact, it was almost exactly the same thing.
Well, there you are great minds, think alike.
Mr
Yardley. Mr Jones is way ahead of you on the flapjacks. He is.
He's eating well, I'll get a head start of a dozen and still eat him under the table.
Did you tell him? Well, no, I decided not to.
There's no point in destroying his Christmas. Come on, let's have breakfast.
Oh, Mrs Sloan, would you mind doing something for me as a special favor?
Anything you want? Mr Yardley? Would you mind just flipping me one flapjack
flip?
Well, you see Mr Yardley. Oh, just one please. Me, huh?
Uh, but Mr Yardley, won't you please, Mr Sloan?
Oh,
well,
all right. But
I'm a little out of practice.
Oh, come on, go ahead, go on, dear.
Hm.
Wonderful.
I,
and for dinner, Mr,
we will have
potash
bongo
with
Roc
bar
with walnut stuffing. Oh, Uncle Felix. Stop, please. You make my mouth water.
Good morning
Mr Sloan. Yes. How do you do? How do you do? I'm Homer Higginbotham.
I represent the Christmas Entertainment Committee of Stanfield. Mr Sloan.
I understand you're entertaining. Jefferson Jones, the war hero over the holiday.
Is this the young man? Yes, that's right. I am proud to shake your hand, young man.
Thank you, sir. We're having a community dance this evening at the town hall.
The people of Stanfield would consider it a
great honor to entertain you and your guests.
I hope you can all come.
Well, how about it, Elizabeth,
I dance.
Do you dance, Mr Jones?
Oh, I get around.
I think it would be lovely.
Long
live
joins
the
lovely
18 days in a raft was nothing compared with this
and with the new prefabricated methods and post-war plastics,
we shall positively revolutionize home building.
Quite right,
quite right,
shade
form
body
forward
for a
start.
Count two of the lay
go.
You see with the new high compression plywood, we've become pioneers. Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
But remember this whole proposition depends on that other matter
that I discussed with you or what other matter,
Mr Yardley,
we've got to beat American housekeeping to that new baby.
Of course, of course,
that will be attended to naturally.
It's just the sort of thing, a progressive architect like my zone. But
Yardley, we're relying on you two to start the bond sale. Why?
Of course, whenever you say if you will follow me, gentlemen,
it sure is nice here.
I'll hate to leave tomorrow
that soon.
I'm due back tomorrow night. I'll have to leave early in the morning.
Oh,
so this is a,
your last night here?
I've had a wonderful time.
You've all been very kind to me.
LE let's keep on walking.
But
your shoes.
Oh, yes, they are sort of inadequate.
I guess I was just letting my imagination run away with me.
Why not?
My lady?
Your carriage?
Oh, you couldn't. It's just parked here. Nobody will mind.
We may believe we're going for a ride.
Where should we go?
Well,
where do you generally go? In? Your dreams?
Horse is moving.
Wasn't tied up.
I
found it.
Speaking of marriage, were we?
No,
I guess I was just talking out loud.
I've got marriage on my mind these days. So
have
I,
um,
if I wasn't married,
what would you say to me now?
Well, first I'd call you
LSKA.
Like Uncle Felix does say it.
LSKA.
Say it again,
Lisa.
And then what would you say?
I,
oh, gosh, I guess I couldn't say anything. I know.
It's all so lovely.
So lovely.
You're lovely too.
Go on. Don't stop.
You're making fun of me. No,
I'm having fun. I admit that.
But believe me, if I'm making fun of anybody, it's Elizabeth Lane.
Oh, she's so smart knows all the answers.
Gets herself into a mess and hasn't the moral courage to get herself out of it.
You're not very happy, are you?
Well, I'm as happy as I have any right to be.
I think you deserve all the happiness in the world.
You do.
I think you're wonderful.
You do.
Maybe we better turn back. No, not yet.
I'm going to spend the night with my sister
that makes 50,000. I owe myself.
I'm going to spend the night at my sisters,
Mrs
Gerig worked overtime tonight and she'll be coming along
pretty soon for her baby if she cried.
You better change her
Mrs
Gig.
Ah, never mind. Skip it.
Good night.
Hey, you,
hey,
where do you think you're going?
That's what we'd like to know.
Stealing my slave for Joyrider will get out. Oh, we didn't steal it.
That's what you say. You're four miles from where Mr Harper parked it. Holy smoke.
You didn't get very far, did you?
Well, the horse just walked away with us accidentally. Oh, sure.
Come back to the judge, will you,
you mean you're arresting us? That's right lady.
Oh, isn't that one lady in the car. But Mr.
All right, Harper, there's your slate. You better show up to prefer charges.
Thanks, Sheriff.
You.
It's me, Mrs Katz.
I've come for my baby.
Hey.
Hey,
Phoenix.
Where is everybody?
Give me the police, the state troopers, the FBI quick. This is Alexander Ali.
Certainly it's an emergency. A baby has been kidnapped, kidnapped. Yes.
Look, don't get excited. Everything is hunky dun,
hunky dunk here. You're out of your mind.
You realize what this baby means to my circulation. You
please. No, don't argue with me.
Get soon. Go down to the town hall and bring him back immediately.
Hello? Is this the state police?
This is Alexander Yardley.
Yes. The Alexander Yardley
smart housekeeping baby has been kidnapped.
Could we have a description of the baby? But you have some photographs.
What's in the Daily Press, Mr Yard? Tell us how old was the baby?
What the kid look like? He's eight months old. A boy.
He's blonde hair and teeth, blonde hair and teeth. No, no, he hasn't.
No blonde hair, no teeth. That's right. I'll
give a $25,000 reward for the return of that baby.
25 grand Elizabeth Green baby, the most famous baby in the whole country.
Where are his parents
here? Slow enough. Would you give us a story, Mr Slow
please? He doesn't know you come inside my boy. I have something to tell you.
Keep a t upper lip. Everything's going to be all Right.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry about the arrest Mrs Sloan. That's all right.
Of course, if we'd realized who you people were, it wouldn't have happened.
That's all right. Good night.
Good night.
Good night
this morning.
Imagine us being arrested.
Maybe your husband won't think. It's so funny.
Coming home at seven in the morning they all went to bed hours ago.
We seem to have company.
Yeah.
Fine.
No. No.
Elizabeth. Where have you been? Yes. Where have you been the?
When
did
you
last? See him?
Everybody?
Where do you suppose she's been?
She's been out searching every nook and granny for a lost baby.
Of course, Mr Jones has been helping her, my lost baby. There, there, Mrs Sloane.
You mustn't collapse now. No, indeed. You must be a brave little woman.
Well, still Mr Jones. Did you find any ransom?
Take
it easy boys. Mr Jones is just out of hospital. Go into the kitchen. Jones.
Felix has some coffee for you.
Now, boys, you realize Mrs Lone has had a very trying time.
I will let you know of any further developments.
We'll take care of everything, Mr Young. We'll have an extra on the street in an hour.
Second you hear any news? Let me know I will.
Now then what is this all about?
Find time to be asking what it's all about young woman. Lucky for you.
I prevented the press from printing the truth.
What you been gallivanting about all night. Oh, I haven't been gallivanting.
I've been in jail
in jail. Your baby.
What about my baby? It isn't here, dear. Of course it isn't.
No, I saw her being kidnapped. Ah, baby. The smart housekeeping baby
kidnapped.
As I came home,
I saw a woman in the cloak and hood go out of this house carrying your baby in her arm.
Hold that. Don't get so excited. Elizabeth.
Well, of all the heartless calloused,
irresponsible women I've ever met in my whole life.
You can sit there and tell me not to get excited by your own baby.
Be careful, Mr Yardley or you'll have a stroke. This is incredible.
This is fantastic
here. I believe you to be the finest, the most exemplary wife and mother. Mr Yadi,
you just sit down and calm yourself all a brazen cheek.
Uh,
I suppose you've fallen in love with this young whippersnapper. Hear Old Jones?
Well, um,
frankly, I,
I have
so
your husband and child no longer mean anything to you.
Well, let me tell you something, Mrs Sloane,
if you feel no moral responsibility towards your husband and child,
I have a magazine to protect and understand.
And if you think you can make a mockery of the Ardley publications,
you're very much mistaken, my public believe in you Mrs Sloane,
millions of women in these United States pattern their daily lives
after that feature and you're gonna live up to their ideas.
And my name is not Alexander
Yardley.
But if you just let me talk a minute, you see John and I were never married,
never married
such blatant immorality. But you don't understand Mr Yardley.
We meant to get married. Yes, but we never got around to it.
You mean to stand there and tell me the smart housekeeping baby? No, no, no, no.
Thank heaven at last. You'll be rewarded my good woman.
Two babies. Which one is yours? Mrs Sloan, hers, you make fun.
These are our babies, Nora. She takes care of them
at the war plan. We're on early shift today.
Yes.
Thank
you
very
much.
Will someone take this,
this
that child? What am I
to
you?
All the
poor little chain nora, you'd better take them upstairs. Oh, indeed, I will that.
Oh
no,
no. Oh,
the poor change.
If it's not asking too much, will you explain? Well, it's all very simple.
I have never lived on a farm but never live.
No, I have no husband and no baby and you can't cook.
No husband. No baby.
We love all the dirty scoundrel tricks to play.
But Mr Yardley, we were only trying to protect the feature for you,
protect you realize what you done.
My face will be in all the papers.
I mean, a laughing stock of the publishing business.
Give me the place.
This is Yardi
Alexander Yardi.
It was all a mistake. The baby's all right. There's been no kidnapping.
I tell you, it was all a mistake.
As for you young woman, you're fired.
Now, see what you've done. Why'd you tell him?
I didn't tell him he found out after all, I've done to help out.
You have to spoil it all. Where were you?
Well, we were sitting on a sleigh and the horse walked off with it. A
likely story first ac and then a horse. I don't know what to think.
Well, think the worst John, you always would anyway.
You're not even sorry for what you've done. No.
And I think you're glad it happened.
Well, I must say the way you've been behaving isn't exactly as the wife of John Sloan,
the eminent architect should behave.
You've disrupted my household.
Yes, I have. Haven't
you told
Yardley that you were in love with Jones? Of course.
All that's an absolute lot of nonsense. But, oh, please.
Now, where was I? Oh, you were throwing me over.
I think I cannot afford to incur the enmity of a man like yard.
Oh, no, no, of course you can.
Well, I must say you're taking the thing very lightly lightly.
What do you want me to do? Weep on your shoulder.
I've been through as much as I can stand. There's no reason to raise your voice to me.
Oh, no, my nerves won't stand. That's fine.
That settles it.
What's the matter? There's something best plant it,
more company
does. Mr Elizabeth Lane. Live here. Everybody. Lives here. Come in,
Jy
boy.
Oh, I'm so glad to see you. How do you feel?
Oh, just great. I feel great. Oh, my buddy. It's good to see you.
Uh,
this is Miss Mary Lee.
Oh, yes, your fiance,
fiance.
Yes, Mr Yardley told me all about it.
Shirley, delighted to meet you all.
How do you do?
It was so sweet of you to have Jeffy Boy out here for Christmas.
It was a pleasure.
Oh, Joffe, I've got so much to tell you
about our engagement and everything.
Um,
why did you come up here at this hour?
Well, Missy Yardley phoned for me to come as a surprise,
but I was sort of delayed. Then I took the wrong train and landed in Bridgeport.
I got the milk train back. It was simply awful. There was no dine on it.
Well, maybe you'd like some breakfast. Well, thank you.
I haven't had a bite since last night. Felix will fix you something. I have to pack
in case I don't see you again. Mr Jones.
Goodbye.
I,
it was certainly an experience knowing you.
Goodbye, Miss Leah. Goodbye. Now. I'm surely grateful to you.
I guess I had better pack too.
I run along with Jeffy boy.
I fix Mr
Lee.
I won't be long
ma he certainly does look good. Hm. Fine. Boy.
You think I've got to break his heart.
You got to watch, break his Poe a little hard.
Why do you do that.
Well, you see, after he left the hospital, I'm married.
You got,
I'm married.
Thank
you.
You're married.
Well,
you get married. Yes, I married, si
you.
Who, who, who is this thinking?
His pal, he was on the raft with Jeffy boy.
Here you married. Come,
come
with me.
Come
on
in here.
Here
is
your breakfast?
I, I want to have a few words with you, Mr Yardley. I have nothing more to say Sloan.
She's fired. Oh, not about that. I mean the contract contract.
Yes. The home planning feature in smart housekeeping. Now, an idea has grown on me.
Oh, that, well, you'll have to see
I'm hungry.
But uh
but this is Yardley.
Oh, good morning, Felix.
Hm. What a delightful aroma.
You're a good chef.
Do I smell kidneys?
No, no, no, no special for somebody. But Felix, I am famished and kidneys
cook your own kidneys.
I don't cook for somebody that's not nice to my friends.
I've done nothing to your friends. Felix.
No, you fired Elizabeth. Well, didn't you make a fool of me?
But you've done it.
Nobody can tell you something.
Sometimes if you shut up, maybe you'll learn something. Now, look here, Felix.
I'm not an unreasonable man.
So, so maybe you don't fire Elizabeth. Yes. Well,
maybe not.
Yes or no. Well, I don't know. After the way she lied to me, she lied for you. She lied
anyway. She got another offer. Not an offer. Yes,
this came last night.
I assure you,
I read to you,
I can offer contact with American housekeeping. American housekeeping.
I like their nerve stealing my people. They won't get away with it
and I'll
bid them. I'll give her a big raise.
No,
wait,
wait, wait a minute.
Crack your hat.
Kidneys, kidneys, kidneys,
uh,
please. Uh, thank you, Felix. I hope you have many meals together. Anytime
in restaurant, Felix. No cover charge
having a nice breakfast. Mr Yardley. Yes, everything is hunky
honky.
Very. Um
his uncle
J
was
put down the back.
Boy, everybody,
Miss Lee is in the dial waiting for breakfast.
But first I have news for you.
Yes,
I'm finished with her.
You mean you're not going to marry her? I am not.
And now Mr
Abe about that contract, there's only one contract that interests me at the moment.
The Elizabeth Lane contract with Smart Housekeeping.
You were perfectly right to fire her, fire her.
I'm not gonna fire.
I'm gonna double her salary.
Yeah,
I want to have a few words with you,
but yes he won.
I don't know.
I know what I want.
You mean to tell me, initiated all of this because of me
positively.
I've got to talk about that.
I should wait till the fat man comes out.
That's right.
This is my voice.
So I've come to ask you to reconsider leaving my employment as I remember it.
You fired me. I spoke in temper. I want you to stay with a big raise. Of course,
a
raise. I'll double any offer. American housekeeping.
Make American housekeeping. Yes. My dear Felix told me of that offer.
Oh, he did, did he? But you wouldn't want to leave Old Yardley. Now, would you?
Oh, wouldn't I, I'd even give Sloan that contract.
Well, I'm glad of that. Oh, I know. He's a bore.
But why not marry the man and make a great difference to circulation.
Husband and wife. On the same paper.
I can see the heading of your next column. Quote.
My dear husband now joins me in my daily work.
Here we are side by side, fellow workers in the vineyard. My baby, end quote.
You're a great fixer, aren't you? Well, I think if you'll listen to me, you're,
you listen to me for it. Now,
listen to me.
I'm tired of being pushed around, tired of being told what to do,
tired of writing your God, darn articles,
tired of dancing to everybody else's tune, tired of being told whom to marry.
In short.
I'm tired.
But Miss Lee, get out, you ought to regret. I said, get out.
Well, really
most unreasonable woman I've ever met. She's crazy even last night. Pardon
me? Gentlemen,
this is where I take over.
Well, what does he think he's gonna do?
I give you one guess.
And here the thing,
I wonder what's happening.
Why did you do that? I changed my type. What do you mean?
Now, I'm the type that does kiss married women. Oh,
and I like you. I don't like you. No,
there's only one thing to do with you. Yes.
Let's do it. No. No. Now, don't you come near me? You attract me.
Remember what you forget?
Oh, no, I don't, you're a married woman but you don't feel like a married woman,
remember?
Well, it's not fair. Oh, there are rules to this game are there. You must teach me
well, men who are engaged must play the game. Yes. Well, let's play.
Well,
you've stopped talking.
That's good, Mr Yardley.
Have you noticed the even temperature in this
room that's due to the triple wall installation?
Oh, shut up.
Excuse me.
Good heavens.
It's just so to me, I forget all about you. Your breakfast is in the kitchen.
I won't you join us and wait. What are you waiting for? Only Uncle Felix knows.
Well, I'm powerful hungry. I'll show you where the kitchen is my dear. Thank you.
What I, what I
do,
don't you come near me? You
see
wolf after the way you deceive me. You, yes,
you're engaged. You're married that has nothing to do with it.
Nor has my engagement. I warn you. If you take another step, I'll scream.
Go ahead and scream,
scream the house down.
Perhaps your husband will come to your rescue.
I haven't got a husband.
You haven't. No.
And Felix was telling the truth.
Felix told you
everything.
Then you knew all the time. Yes,
I know something. You don't know.
I'm not engaged anymore.
You're not,
she married my shipmate.
She did.
I'm as free as a bird.
Oh,
that's what you think.
They start talking what again?
But this time for keeps,
no,
I bring the
judge. Yeah. But definitely
very young man, I suppose. You know what you're doing.
But I warn you, she can't cook, she can't cook.
No, I, I can't cook. She can't cook.
But what
do I
do?
I hope you'll be very happy.
Thank you.
What a Christmas?
Ok.