There are pallets that are sad
about a lassie and a lass.
There are songs about our heroes and their glory.
But I'd like to have you hear about a girl so sweet
and
soul. Listen,
my sentimental
story.
My
cousin Magnus clung left home when she was young. I'll tell you how it happened.
Let me think.
She was cute and pretty too.
Her eyes were all blue but a single cocktail made for Agnes winks.
It's not funny as you think when a gal has got
to wink every time she has a little drink or two,
one day she got a jug
and she drank it all
and she said goodbye and left us
in a ST
you.
When she got to the city, she was just a little giddy.
She asked a fella how to get around.
Now, she said, don't think that I am fresh.
But can you tell me an address where I can go? Because I don't know my way.
Now the fellow was a gent. He knew just what Agnes meant.
That is until he saw her start to wing
and that he believed in you exactly what a guy should
do So he suggested that they both should have a drink.
Well, he took her by the hand and Agnes said, oh, this is grand.
But Mr I'm afraid you made a big mistake.
If you'll just be kind enough, I'd like to stop this silly stuff,
the liberties you're not allowed to take.
Now, the fellow didn't know about her win and eye and so
he couldn't figure out what was the score.
So he took her out to eat and to a show right down
the street and he asked her if she'd care for something more.
Agnes
said, I think you swell.
But will you find me a hotel where I can go and not be bothered by the men?
I'm a long way from home and I want to be alone,
but perhaps I'll see you sometime soon.
Now our Agnes wasn't dumb
but back home where she came from,
she never learned the value of her wings
in the city. She got wise,
learned to use her wing.
Now,
Agnes does her drinking
in a mink?
Imagine a kid from the Kentucky Hills doing that to the cream of cafe society.
Who's her agent? I am.
I know talent when I see it. She's the only good actor you ever brought me?
You haven't seen anything yet? Well, you see what I've got for you tonight.
Now, look here, I don't want any worry about a
thing. Don't worry about a thing.
Just a minute. Friends just a minute.
Ladies and gentlemen,
tonight is a special attraction we present for your amazement.
Just because he's your agent doesn't mean he can
bring any old broken down acting to this place.
Oh, give him a chance.
He has to get work for his clients in order to pay me
the money he borrows to feed them in the annals of the theater.
We've had many great escape artists.
You've heard of the Great Houdini, the Great Bronson, the Great Herman.
Now comes the great Wilbert,
Professor Corley
and now the great Wilbert will perform his greatest escape.
The music maestro
of some kind person from the audience will step on the stage
and chain him up. Anyone at all,
anyone
don't be bashful
step right up on the stage.
You know, it's an honor to work with the great Wilbert.
There's
the
pardon me?
Will, will
come on
none of that
outside, please. Girls.
Now will some kind of person please step up anyone. How about you? Gentlemen?
Do you think I can do this? Just remember what I taught you also. Do the master key.
Keep it in your mouth when I pull the drapes open the locks and escape.
Hey, oh boy,
I climb, climb up as fine as you can.
That
in mind,
the Great Wilbur will get out.
I promise you he will. That's the
boys. That's the way the Wilbur works. The great will.
Yes.
Take your time.
Well, Well, we finally found some gentlemen who really know their business.
0, 38.
Take it
put,
I can beat that.
I'll kill both of them.
Watch your blood pressure.
There we are.
Let him get out of that.
Here's the key, open your mouth, open up.
Good luck, boy.
And now ladies and gentlemen,
the Great Wilbert in a matter of a few seconds will shed his bonds like a snake,
sheds its skin, a
drum roll. Maestro.
And here we have
here we have.
I
fooled you that time, didn't I?
Well, I can't make a trick. Look too easy.
Now, in a matter of minutes, the Great Wilbert will perform his greatest scheme.
And here we have The Great Wilbur.
Yes,
I'll tell you what we'll do.
We'll have a little contest and look at your watches and the one that
can guess how long it will take the Great Wilbur to get loose.
We'll be a guest of the house. Look at your watches, guest of the house.
I'll make those guys guests of a hospital. Get out there and sing
in the hills of Tennessee lives, a family named
again.
They've really got a problem
daughter. Mary Ann just can't find herself a man.
She ain't even been, nobody's Valentine's.
They just didn't
stick
around
around.
He'd asking Mary Anne would be his wife
and,
oh, she'll soon be looking old and she'll likely be an old maid all her life.
Well, why don't someone marry Mary,
don't you?
Because,
and what fills her with dismay?
She'll be 12.
Ok.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
A
house
where our blues braids out. Where is he?
This is the last time you bring an act in here, you've ruined my show.
Say, where did you learn that? Yell? Oh, the yell? Oh,
the yell, my grandpappy. He told me to yell like that.
Every time I get in trouble I thought you looked familiar. You must be a mccoy.
That's our clan. Yell. Well, take your clan and yell outside.
You're through yelling here too.
Oh,
I'm sorry, I got you fired.
Furthermore though,
I really don't belong to the mccoy clan.
My name is Wilbur Smith.
Wait a minute. Suppose he was a mccoy?
Well, if his grandpa's who I think he is, he may be worth millions. Millions. Yes.
Millions.
I'm your agent. I get 10% 10% of millions.
Excuse me. I mean, after all, who did you sign a contract with Wilbur Smith?
Hi, a stranger.
Shake his with a mccoy.
Look.
That's my grand puppy on the bottom.
Well, that squeeze box mccoy. Why he's even playing his concertina?
Looks like I found myself a new cousin.
Right?
Oh,
I was never cousins before with a beautiful girl like this. Wait a minute.
How do you figure he's coming into a million dollars? Well, except for me.
Squeeze box is the only member of the clan who ever left the hills.
Oh, no, there must be some mistake.
All my grandpappy ever left me was a fur cap and a concertina. That's all no money
then. Why? All the excitement.
Well, somewhere in the hills of Kentucky, there's a buried treasure.
And my great granny mccoy said that it would
only be discovered when a squeeze box mccoy returned.
Now, if Robert went back with this picture and this concertina and this for cat, hey,
then they would think he was the real mccoy with all that evidence.
Granny might give you the secret. Oh, I forgot to tell you one thing. Grant
Pappy also left me this old gun. No,
it's that to go off. Oh, no, it ain't loaded. Look, will you stop that?
Really?
Why don't you look where you're going? Why do I have to walk through the wilderness?
Why don't they have roads? Now? Stop complaining. Dorothy's taking a shortcut.
Go pick up the grips,
pick up the grips.
Yeah.
Um,
you know,
I've never been in the country before.
Ah, smell like Kentucky bluegrass.
If grass smells like this, no wonder it's blue. Oh, Kentucky,
Kentucky, where there is the fastest horses in the world?
There must be something in the air that makes those horses run.
There's something in this air that would make anybody run.
The birthplace of Stephen Foster.
His songs will live forever.
I'm a coming
and I'm going, wait a minute,
I'm coming.
Oh, my head is bending low.
Ha. Ha.
You smell it?
Oh, I don't smell anything and your head ain't bending low enough.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Hey,
something wrong with that grip.
Open it up.
What's the matter?
Hey, what that fur cap that my grandpappy gave me? Did that have legs? No, it has now,
Robert, don't yell like that again. This is Winfield territory. Winfield. Yes.
You see your grandpappy shot his first winfield to revenge. A mccoy killing. Well,
that started the feud.
One killing led to another until,
well, look,
what's that? That's the Winfield burying ground.
We have to pass through there to reach mccoy territory. Yes, ma'am. See you later.
Come here. Come here.
Come on, come on, come on. Come on.
Yeah.
If these guys are all dead, why don't they lay down? They're only wooden figures.
That's an old custom here in the hills. Yeah.
What
you like to scare the wits right out of me.
That's Jake Winfield
killed in 1882 by squeeze box mccoy.
You mean to tell me that
squeeze box mccoy had knocked off all these others? That's right.
No, no, no, no wonder I had him for my grandpappy.
And if they ever found out that a relative of squeeze box mccoy's is back,
the whole feud might start all over again.
Well, in case anyone's listening,
I'm Al Stewart. I'm not a mccoy. I'm
Al Stewart. I'm
a mccoy. I'm
Smith.
Hi,
Doctor the two
away.
Don't hold me. Go get your grip.
Go ahead.
Mhm.
I
so
sorry
that real
sure
from here on in is mccoy territory.
You mean williams' home? That's right. Cousin mccoy territory.
I'd like to see how Winfield put foot in here. I,
well, what do you know? It's cousin Dorothy. Gone. Look at them store bought. Go.
What brings you back,
cousin?
What are you here for Dorothy?
I came to see Granny. Where is she? Why do you think she'd be plowing the field?
Now,
when there's a county fair going on?
Oh, dear child. Gee. It's good to see you. I brought you back a surprise.
Robert.
Come here. I want you to meet your kin folks. Howdy.
Hey,
you're a soldier. Yeah.
What do you hear about the war situation? Last? I heard Grahe
Lee tied up at Richmond.
How come? I didn't read about that in the newspapers. Oh, Wilbert
Granny, I found him in New York.
You found that?
But he's not a husband, Granny. He's a cousin of ours.
He's the grandson of Squeeze Box, mccoy Squeeze box mccoy.
Hallelujah.
Myra
answered.
He don't look like what I prayed for.
Well,
I guess if you asked the Lord for Le
me get nothing but that person should be satisfied.
Oh, he's a real mccoy. All right. I saw the evidence.
I'm his friend, Al Stewart
Wilbert.
Show your granny the picture
that squeeze box. All right.
Tar
Nation.
Wait till the windfields. Get the word.
The county fair will sound like the fourth of July
county fair
and the fourth of July
altogether. Boy. And what fun.
What blood running all over the fairgrounds? Clem Luke, shut up. If you're scared.
Go back home. Hold on a minute. Granny thought I was head of this year. Clan.
You are,
but a squeeze box is back.
Don't look like no squeeze box to me. Dewey cousins.
They don't, to me
must have been in the last of the litter.
Why neighbors? You see before you a born leader
and to prove to you that he is what he claims he is.
Here's his grand Pappy's concertina.
Give me that.
That's his squeeze box. All right,
that's him for sure.
Listen,
ones you hear me tell that if a squeeze box mccoy ever come back to these hills,
the treasure would be found.
Well,
your cousin Wilbert's worth his weight in gold. So make sure nothing happens to him.
Are you mccoy to be took in by a couple of
city slickers.
Supposing Dorothy were to go blabbing off her mouth and some of them saloons.
She's been singing in
Mightn't you find an old picture and a squeeze box and
come here to fool an old woman.
Oh,
nobody calls me an old woman. Nobody fools me.
No, I didn't mean to ride you granny but I still say let him but test it that
far. If hes a real mccoy, let him prove it. He can do that at the turkey shoot today.
A real K, a squeeze box. I
shoot the best of the mccoys or the windfield.
And if he can't shoot at all,
the windfields will laugh us right out of the fairgrounds.
Your shoot, cousin.
You just,
yeah.
How do you, how do you work one of these? Here you pull that trick
at.
Oh.
Right.
That seemed a little fat fellow.
Then the yarn of the squeeze box is back
already. Is
you mean he's a can of squeeze box mccoy?
I'm Wilbur
Wilbur.
Ah, a
critter with a name like that. Ain't what? Starting a feud over.
But if Ewen is aiming to get fractures
the
Dil Dan for 60 years, we've been soft walking mccoys.
Now, our feet don't hurt no more.
And if
Ewings make one move,
wins will tramp all over you.
Wes is going to meet at that Turkey shooting to decide things
and don't you forget to bring your shoot knife.
We'll be,
I know no. Winfield would pay respect to a name like Wilbert.
Then we'll christen him after his grandpappy and call him squeeze box.
You're right. Granny.
Let's have us. A Christening appears to me.
He's a little big for Christening.
Well, they christen battleships and they're big.
Tell him you do the Christening.
Take off your hat.
Bow your head. Wilbert,
I now Christen the squeeze box. Mccoy.
He sure is pretty, ain't he
on the outskirts of our town, lived a gal named Sadie Brown.
They say she's making money by the paper
for the simple country maid landed on the hit
parade in a manner that we never did expect.
Unlike any of her kins,
she grew whiskers on her chin and her sideburns caused the neighbors to remark
through no effort of her own. Soon her beard became full grown.
Now they've got her own display in Central Park.
They call her Sage Fresh Sadie, the famous bearded lady.
Her whiskers brought her riches and renowned.
They're the pride of the museum and it costs you bits to see em.
And the family's getting rich on Sadie Brown.
And she started running around with a barber in the
town and the fellow seemed to have an awful crutch,
but it's easy to explain why she drove the man insane for Sadie had the skin.
You love to brush.
Barber friend proposed just as everyone supposed.
But the way he did it made her kind of vex.
He'd been married twice before.
And the thing that made her sore was when he rode up to her gate and hollered next,
she consented with a smile and he led her down the
aisle in the chapel where the moan and glories bloom,
but poor old Carson trout couldn't get it figured out.
So he shook hands with the bride and kissed the groom.
They call her Sage Rush, Sadie, the famous bearded lady.
She's happy that she's wet and settled down.
Or her little baby daughter
has a mustache like an otter.
She's the image of her mother, Sadie Brown.
You broke your promise. Oh yes, you broke your promise. And now I'm all alone. And
who said you love me? Oh, yes. You said you loved me
and not a word you said was true on me.
You promise
for
I
but
broke your promise. Oh yes, you
promise.
And that is how you,
I
wish you had a nickel every time that she was fickle.
There's no mirror on his shelf. He's so mean. He hates himself.
Nothing left for me to say. Come on, we
start to play.
You broke your promise or yes, you broke your promise and now I'm all alive.
45678. You
said you loved
me? Oh, yes,
you
said
not a word you said was true.
Play you.
And that is how,
yes, that is how
the
that is.
Are you
out?
Thanks for the songs, Mr mccoy.
I didn't expect to see the Manhattan hillbillies so far from Tin Pan Alley.
Tin Pan Alley. That's no hillbilly talk. You must be a foreigner. I was born here.
My folks moved north,
but where music is concerned. I'm still a hillbilly.
I'm down here trying to find some
real mountain music that hasn't been commercialized.
The name is Winfield
Clark Winfield,
a
Winfield directing a mccoy. Well, sure.
No, man, you don't cotton to that, that feud nonsense. Do you?
Well, I don't know if you know a pardon?
Even if I did, I'd make an exception to you. Any
exception to seeing the fair. Let's go get your hot.
Virginia roasted peanuts, caramels. Cracker
Jacks.
All
what you have.
Oh,
lemonade, please.
Wow.
Make it two. How about a hot dog? No, I don't want
these hot dogs are different.
Everybody sells them with a pickle in the middle and a mustard on top.
Now, what happens? You eat them? You get mustard all over you. Now, we're different.
We put the frankfurter in there, the mustard in the middle, mustard in the middle.
There we are pickle on top. No fuss. No must, no napkins. They are.
Well, you ought to be ashamed of yourself first.
You're stuffing your face full of pie and
now you're loading yourself with hot dogs now,
you know why?
I don't like mustard. Listen, it's your next turn into turkey shoot.
And we've got to beat those windfields.
You know, I don't know how to shoot a gun, didn't you learn how to shoot in the army?
I was in the cavalry.
What kind of bullets come out of a pitchfork? All right. Listen,
you stay here, I'll go and fix it up for you.
How about another hot dog?
Ok.
Yeah.
Are you Mr Winfield?
There ain't no Winfield. Good. How would you like to make a dollar?
Just name your man? No.
All I want is my little fat friend down there.
The wind of the Turkish shoe,
all you have to do is get behind some big rock or something, you know.
Well, there's a big tree down there.
Good. As long as you're making a bull's eye.
Hey,
how'd you like to make 50 cents?
Ah,
when the little fat city fellow goes up there to shoot, just make sure he wins.
Jed. How'd you like to pick up? 10 cents?
10 cents?
How do I
get it?
Be? Sure that little fat city fellow wins a turkey. Shoot.
Oh,
you want to make fire chance?
Sure.
Here,
I've got it all set. I've got a guy to shoot from behind a tree the same time. You do.
Can you trust a guy? Can you trust him? You don't know these mountain folks,
they're as honest as the day is long.
You know, the days here are getting awful short. Oh, please. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Just a squirrel twitch outside.
So far the windfield has got it
wins. It is ahead. All Ewan's got left is Wilbert.
And he'd have to hit a hog in the next county
that should squeeze box.
All right. Salah.
When I say fire, fire,
get ready,
fire,
fire.
How
am I behind the right tree. Stop fooling and aim at the target
squeeze box.
Oh,
I came to help you.
Well, if you're going to shoot, shoot,
take a
when I say fire,
pull the trigger,
fire
the mccoys
win.
He is a real mccoy
first turkey shoot. We've won in 30 years
and you're done it by cheating.
You can't shoot nine shots from a single bullet rifle gun.
Who says I can't tell you,
ok,
just like you mccoy is to be sneaking
an underhand behind our backs behind your backs.
Ever
mccoy that a windfield shot was shot in the back. You shot our kid.
Yeah, but we shot him when he was looking.
That's what you say. Old woman,
don't you old woman? Me one f
well, you all right to, ain't you gonna wait for the coat
one?
Be here.
Granny.
How about telling where the treasure is before something happens?
Nothing's going to happen.
My Rheumate
tells me the rains is going to come and spoil this whole
darn feud
bald of fire.
They used heavy artillery
just like you said, Granny. We talked all over him. We sure made him high daly.
Are you sure scared of us now? Us mccoy
sure got him.
How could my kin folks ever live in a joint like this?
Probably your forefathers lived here.
Thank you. P
I say probably your forefathers lived here before you.
My forefathers who should,
I didn't have no forefathers for sure you did.
If I did only one come home nights
are
stupid.
It,
boy, listen, that rained.
But it was nice of Uncle Clem to put us up like this.
Well,
I'll sleep here. Oh, no. You know this is my bed.
You sleep over there and uh, who is going to make me
me
squeeze Box mccoy.
And if I can't
my kin
kin,
well, go ahead. Your head's getting so big. There ain't room in the bed for both of us.
What
I
sure is a pouring out.
Well,
squeeze over. Squeeze box.
Bye
bye.
Rain. Sure is cold.
I could use a warm spot shift over. H
squeeze over, squeeze bugs.
Hey, Luke,
who's that? On the end?
That's will be
at
one of squeeze box's Ken.
My brother Z
welcome cousin.
Roll. Luke
shift on
a squeeze over a squeeze box.
Ok.
Hm.
How the cousin?
Yeah.
Ain't a bit night out for man on the beach.
I
know.
Well,
on the ends, a kin of Squeeze, Bobs.
Well, pleased to meet you, Paula's got room for Kith and Kin.
So
over the
roll. Luke
chef
Don
squeeze over, squeeze. But
funny looking dogs down here.
Excuse
me.
Now, listen, when we get inside, let me do the talking. Who needs you?
I'm the new head man around here. It's too bad.
The new head isn't better than the old one.
I will.
Well, it's about time Ewan's got here. Well, what is this all about Hale?
He's got some more questions he wants to ask. We answered all the questions.
How about the jackpot?
Like
Virgos are still again?
How many times I got to tell you not to put too much sugar in the squeezing
Hale him. Get on with your talk so, Luke can get the still fixed. All right. Granny.
How many chillin you got? Squeeze box?
I don't have any Children.
No Children, huh?
How long have you been married?
I'm, I'm not married.
The
no wives, no Children
and him. Over 16.
You don't deserve to be head of this year. Clan. There's a lot in what Kim
says,
squeeze box.
Maybe you better get hitched before I let on the wire about the treasure.
There's no problem for that.
Wilbert must know of some girl. He's taken a liking to.
I'm sure
knew it.
Dorothy. She kissed me once
she did. Mhm.
Well, squeeze box.
Maybe you and your friend better go outside while Wynn's has a little recommended.
Recommended. What's that?
It's an old hill custom. They're going to pick you. A bride.
Can't I pick my own? No, don't try to buck traditions. Marriage is just a big gamble.
It's like shooting dice.
Yeah. But I'm getting fated before I even make a pass. Oh, come on, come on outside.
This never mind.
Now, look, why haven't I got the right to pick up my own wife because you're too dumb.
You're dumb enough to pick a girl that's too young for you. What's age got to do?
Age has got everything to do with it.
Look, say you're 40 years old and you're in love with a little girl. Say 10 years old?
Oh, this one's gonna be a pip. Wait, I finish now.
I'm going around with a 10 year old girl. Just a minute.
You got a good idea where I'm gonna wind up. Wait, I finish.
All right.
You're 40 years old. She's 10. You couldn't marry her, could you?
No, not unless I came from these hills. Will you leave the hills out of it? You're 40.
She's 10. You're four times as old as that girl.
So you wait five years now, the little girl is 15. You're 45
now. You're only three times as old as that little girl. So you wait 15 years more
now, the little girl is 30 or 60. You are only twice as old as that little girl.
Now, here's the question. She's catching up. Sure.
Here's the question.
How long do you have to wait before you and the little girl are the same age? Oh,
take your time and think it over.
No,
no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no. That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous.
I mean, if I keep waiting for that girl, she'll pass me up. What are you talking about?
She'll wind up older than me. What do you mean? Then she'll have to wait for me.
Why should she wait for you?
I was nice enough to wait for her.
I mean, after all, if she wants to marry me, she'll wait for me. Marry you. Yeah.
Do you know the girl? No, then why should you marry a girl? You don't even know.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
Why haven't I a right to pick up my own wife right now.
Wait a minute, you stay right here while I do the recommending. I'm not going to
you about Wilbert anymore.
I think he's sweet granny. But, but you're fixed on someone else
that tomb collecting windfield. That's my business.
And what's more, I don't see what this has to do with Wilbert.
You're not keeping your promise. You're not keeping your head a
windfield. We're wasting our time.
I give you
the blushing bride to be my own sister, Matt. You're right, Cale.
She's now under 14. Ain't no sense in her being an old maid. That's right,
Cale.
Dorothy. Better tell Cousins Squeeze Box.
Yes, sir.
And I'm off to tell
Aaron Judge,
you sure are a lucky man. I am.
Dorothy will tell you all about it.
I think
maybe she changed her mind. Me.
I want to talk to you
alone.
Oh,
Dorothy
Calum
told me what a lucky fellow. I am. He told you he did good.
The wedding's tomorrow morning.
Would you like to take a walk in the moonlight tonight?
Oh, I can't. I have a date tonight.
You have a date tonight
and the wedding is in the morning.
Well, yes.
And I have a date tomorrow night with the same fellow.
Where will I be tomorrow night.
Will you'll be on your honeymoon?
I'll be on my honeymoon
while you're on a date.
Yes.
Is something wrong?
Are you worried about the wedding?
No,
but it doesn't sound as nice as you read it in the books.
Will it? Luke just told me? He knows about it too.
Al
will you give the bride away? Well, Caitlin's gonna do that.
He's been trying to get rid of her for years.
Listen, you, you stop insulting the future Mr squeeze box, mccoy or all squeeze box,
darling.
Fighting for me already.
I'm waiting for you.
Well, after all, you two are engaged, Dorothy,
you mean that you and I as really
me and him
and that
him is a her. Well, that's what I've been trying to tell you.
Oh,
all this time I thought him was a hymn.
Uncle Clem's taking me to town for a real store, bought dress
Dorothy.
Will you come along and help me pick out a real city
kind of bridal veil or anything for the future Mrs squeeze box.
Come on, honey.
See you.
How
you gotta get me out of this. Wait a minute, squeeze box.
I can't interfere in these things.
I'm a foreigner.
No,
no,
not you,
you gotta do something to get me out of this now like it or not cousin, you're a groom.
Yeah, but I mean, I mean, look what I'm stuck with.
Yeah,
they wanted me to hitch up with Matt a year back. Well, why didn't you?
I got kicked in the head by a mule. I'm a little touched now,
but I ain't that crazy.
Um
Where is the stable with the mule
down yonder?
He ain't all there,
Kayla
is sure made Matt happy.
Uh When you score, we're gonna learn granny's secret
at the celebration.
Granny will tell
fleece box where the treasures hid
and Matt will make him tell us. all right.
Are you gonna kill him for this celebration?
No. Wait until after the wedding then slaughter him.
You can use my knife. This lady's throat.
He's sure gonna make an elegant wedding dinner. You gonna grind him up?
No, gonna roast him and put an apple in his mouth.
Now,
I am
great.
What's the matter? Al
my kid ain't mountain folks. They're cannibals. What are you talking about?
I just overheard
Calum Caleb
said that he was gonna cut my throat. Put an apple in my mouth
and cook me. They was talking about the
suling pig for the wedding dinner tonight.
Oh,
Big
max. Come inside. I want to talk to you.
Sit down with the fire.
Ok?
Oh, thank you.
Hm.
Squeeze box.
You're not much to look at but you got your good points and it's a darn shame. Dorothy.
Don't see em
and I'm gonna be rich soon too. Well, I'm for you,
but she's got a mind set on a no count knee
mouth windfield.
There's just one thing to do.
Get a love potion.
Love potion
Gray
is that better than getting kicked in the head by a mule. A love portion low.
And honey, the witch,
one drop of her brew in Dorothy's cup and she'll fall madly
in love with the first man she meets after she drinks it.
Yeah,
I
love push
Diy
granny,
granny.
Oh,
see,
I'm scared. Wait a minute.
You're the guy that dragged me out here.
That big talk of yours about witches and love potions.
Well, I'm gonna prove what a superstitious idiot you really are. No, don't tell her.
Thank you. Don't,
you know how, wait a minute,
if you should happen to see a great pair of pants flying by, don't grab them. Why not?
I'll be in them. Go away.
Go ahead.
Did you see it? See, what did you see it?
Ah, that was only a bet. Now, you started this thing and you're going to finish it.
Knock on the door,
knock on the door.
Well,
no one at home. Let's go. Now, we'll just wait for him inside.
I hope she don't give me the evil eye. Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of.
Just a simple humble cabin,
cheerful fireplace above it. A departed friend.
Well,
the home of a poor old woman who uses hocus pocus to fool the mountain folks.
I
hope she don't show up
as
here.
I've been waiting for you.
What do you all want? Well, he wants a love potion.
I
love potion. Dearie.
Aunt, honey's elixir of love. Never fails. How much do you want?
How much is it?
Cross my palm with silver
the more it is, the stronger it gets.
$5. Buys a powerful potion.
Al give it $5. Wait a minute. I want to see if it works.
You don't buy power. It's not me.
I will show you
news about buffet.
Watch this.
Yes.
Ok.
Mm.
What's she doing?
She's molding
this time of the year. Is it?
She's making voodoo?
She's making voodoo. What?
Voodoo?
I do
not. You do voodoo?
I do what
she's making voodoo magic.
She's making voodoo magic. Yeah.
Do you know voodoo? Sure.
You do. Sure.
Tell me more about him
quietly.
Lami,
I get
Chika
Zoo.
Ah, look what she's making.
Is it the effigy?
I don't know what letter it starts with,
but that's beginning to look like me.
Sara
Duly legacy.
Lame.
I
know.
Now
give me the money
now that we get the potion.
She can't stick us for five bucks.
She can too pay her the money now that we get the potion.
Oh, that's just in your mind.
You've got a poor sense of direction. Please pay her the money.
All right.
Now that we understand each other dearie, I'll get to the potion,
right?
OK.
Ocean potion. Magic Bee make her love the first. She'll see
there.
There'll be a small deposit of $5. On the junk. I'm not gonna pay it. You will pay it.
Oh, no, I won't. You'll pay it
or you'll suffer. Oh, no, I've got you in my power
now
and I got you.
Mm.
That wasn't fair.
Stop
at
the
in.
Sure.
Give me that thing. Oh, no,
not till you give me that one.
Not till I get the deposit on the jug.
I'll give her the money. I'll pair when I feel like it and III, I feel like it.
Oh, come on.
Wait a minute.
What's the matter?
She must be a witch? Why? Look at that broom.
Oh,
that's what she makes her visits on. That's the kind of room I see in fairy tales. No.
Hey, what's the matter? Now? She's even got a wish you and a whipper.
That's for rainy nights. Are you kidding?
Oh, boy. What do you mean? A boy?
I still don't believe it.
Here. It is.
I wonder if it works.
It
does.
This must be the starter.
I'm sorry.
Wait a minute.
What's the matter?
I wonder if I'm a heel doing the sarth. I'd
do the same thing. You would. Sure.
Now, I know I'm a heel
squeeze box.
R
I got
it. You better move fast.
That windfield boy's here.
He's making friends with everybody and he's doing pretty darn good with Dorothy.
We get busy without a love potion.
Thanks, Granny
Dorothy. May I talk to you alone?
I
certainly will
be.
Excuse me Clark.
What's on your mind? Wilbur Dorothy.
You gotta do me a favor.
If you marry me, then I can get rid of Matt. Or else I'll have to resort to this jug.
Oh, now Wilbert, you know, Drake never solved any problem.
And besides my heart is elsewhere, you mean you didn't bring it with you?
Oh, Wilbert, come on, let's throw the jug away, huh?
First, will you drink a toast to my wedding?
Well, sure. Good.
How about you? I don't need any potion,
potion. I mean, I don't need any potion of that
thar stuff.
You've certainly picked up the hillbilly talk.
Well,
here's luck to you.
Yeah.
How are they? Cousin?
What?
I have the strangest feeling
I've never had before
quite suddenly. You seem to be the one that I adore.
My heart is not a plaything.
So, handle it with care
without a doubt.
Walk out.
Then you had best be
that
you'll be just another, not your own father shot,
then you don't marry me.
So, if you'd rather be dead
and blissfully
w
don't get that rain. You promised me last spring. I hardly ever
miss
when he draws it. Get from his
and you have a choice of kissing
or a slug of lead in the lift.
So, don't learn your lesson from Dad Smith and Wesson and don't be a suitor,
a papa six shooter.
Just get that preacher on the run
or you'll be just another not your own father's gun.
You'll be just another my own father shotgun if
you don't marry me.
So if you'd rather be found feet, 6 ft of ground,
of just leaving it ditched instead of getting hitched. Now, Paul says if you
want to linger
when he takes a gun from the wall,
you'd better put that ring on my finger
or you won't grieve no more.
So, don't be a jester with Harpers
Winchester and don't be a
and that is
our uncle
and stop hesitating
and don't keep me waiting. Just get that creature on the run
or you'll be just another mouth.
You'll be just another nacho father star
for.
Oh, you fascinating creature. I can't let you go. You know that.
Let me run my fingers through your hair. That's my hat.
Don't
I
have another drink.
A small go ahead.
Oh,
he
queen ma.
This is my kissing cousin.
That wart. No cousin like kiss. Sure won't never mind. Kum.
The boy ain't hit yet. No, but it ain't fittin.
I'll get the bride to be
k I'm sure is anxious to get you married.
But so am I
say you will
pretty please.
Let's drink to our wedding
squeeze box.
Howdy cousin.
I'm sorry, Matt.
But I want him for myself. I'm sorry, Dorothy. I want Matt for myself.
You fascinating beauty. Well, will be,
let me run my fingers through your hair. But
Robert, how could you have forgotten so soon?
Well, just a moment ago. I kissed you.
Anybody that would kiss me, would kiss anybody. Please. Dorothy. Please.
Excuse me.
Come my little loved one. Come on.
Now, if I hadn't have seen that, I wouldn't believe it.
He drunk from a jug and saw Matt Fuss columns to
take, to wear off. I can't say it all depends on how big a swig he took.
Squeeze box. I can see the love light in your eyes.
Matt don't put it out.
Give me that jug,
I'll mark it so that nobody else will get
it. You got a pencil,
Robert. I want to talk to you.
I can't hear you
for the wedding bells are ringing in my ear.
Let's drink to them wooden bells.
No, no. The bride f
come on, Matt.
No, not that one. Teensy weensy bit.
Yeah. But not this.
Why not? That's some of granny's best corn.
You, you shouldn't have drunk that.
Why not?
Because
what are you looking at me for? Why should I ever want to look at anything else?
You
fascinate me?
But look it.
Kiss me. Yes. Just not. Now it
is. Let me run my fingers through your hair.
Just a minute. She's mine.
She's not yours. I'm your girl. No, you're not. I've changed my mind.
Well, I've changed my mind.
I haven't changed mine and I haven't changed mine and I'm going out of my
and she's mine. I'm your girl. No, you're not. He's mine. She's mine. You're mine.
I am not. You are mine.
You play somebody's mine
with some kind of party games. Mine think so. Kim,
you can't rightly say
I still think cousin Squeeze Box is a little catch text or no text. You
wait,
there are gonna be a wedding
is mine.
All right, judge start the Marion
Squeeze Box. You'll never regret this.
We get the treasure
and you get yourself a fine little mountain flower.
If there be anybody in this assemblage who has a reason
why this year's ceremony shouldn't take place and listen to me.
You are
because if you don't, this year shooting man will speak for me.
I
think
this is ridiculous. You can't do it.
I can't,
I'll bullet any man woman or mule that tries to stop me.
I came here to get me a man
live if possible
dead if necessary.
And that man is Wilbert squeeze box mccoy. I want, I want, I
want, you want what? I want to go home
and I want then
get yourself. I got and get in.
Go on. Judge.
Make him a ever loving man.
If there's anybody else
Clark,
what happened?
Where am I? You're all right now. But you almost married Wilbert.
Oh, no.
Well, I never,
I want I out anyway.
That's my girl.
Oh,
quiet. Judge. We're ready.
Yes.
Oh.
Oh,
what's going on here?
If I get a chance to get all the words out, you're going to be married.
Good to Dorothy to Matt.
I don't want to marry her
and I don't want to marry him.
I don't want to marry anybody by
surprise. I come 30 miles to do this here. Not, I,
I'll marry him any time.
You mean
you want to marry my friend? Al? He's so gorgeous, but he ain't no mccoy
kill him. We'll make him a mccoy.
We'll do it the hard way.
We will christen him.
Have you got a jug? Yep. Let me have it.
Ah,
www.
You can do this to me.
Uh huh.
Call him.
This may be your last chance to get rid of Matt.
And besides, I'll throw in 5% of the treasure for a dowry.
But Wilbert,
I'm your pal.
Oh, wow.
You're gonna marry a sweet little mountain flower.
Oh, goody.
All right, brother in law. Let's make it legal.
Now. Judge, go ahead.
Who's getting married?
You and him?
But I don't want him.
I want him.
Somebody find out who was, who calm yourself. Judge,
we'll be glad to give her the right answers, won't we? Sugar?
We sure will, honey.
No. Winfield. That's right. Granny. Even a feud starts be mighty on handy.
Having a winfield in the family. Oh, it's time you stop this stupid feuding.
There's not a better man among you than Clark Winfield.
And if he wants me, I'm proud to have him.
Go ahead. Judge
this one.
If there's anybody else, let them speak now or forever. Hold their peace.
Winfield.
Hey, come on. Over Clark and Dorothy are getting hitched.
That's what I figured it would be going on.
Ain't no Winfield going to tie up a no mccoy Winch. Just a minute.
Dan, this is my business.
You Winfield has got the best of the bargain she'll buy by it.
I'm seeing Dorothy's point. Feuding silly from now on. I'm a peaceful woman.
Granny's right from now on. Let's have a peaceful feud. You hush up
Webert.
There'd have been no trouble in these hills if you
and that gal hadn't come to see the old woman.
You said it again.
Winfield
Clark. Get a hold of that
judge.
You start to marry him. I'll start the car.
Go ahead mccoys.
You and just started this ruckus. So start a shoot.
Yeah, us mccoys is in for a fight.
Good luck to you.
Cam, hold your fire. Now they can't make up their mind who's going to do the shooting?
Keep my Tucker judge
and to the backfire of the car. Echoing.
I'm here to
hold it
now that we're gonna be
kid, folks by marriage.
What do you say? We talked this whole feud over peaceful and quietly.
Well,
let me you
what's going on out there? My in laws, they're acting like outlaws.
I'm coming for you will be.
How are we gonna get away from him?
He can't come through the door. I got it bolted
and
if he comes through the window.
I'll put
him on the head with this thing.
I know
when.
Yeah.
Al
I think I scared him away
or saying your prayers. We'll
no way you're going to get away from me this time
will be
he ain't real. But
you better both start saying your plan. You'll get the chair for this devil hand.
You're gonna get the chair,
the chair.
I ain't gonna get no chair,
the county judge, the Windfield,
windfield or no windfield. You're gonna get the chair,
please.
It does.
Thanks, Matt. You saved our lives.
Benny and all I saved.
Come on,
I saved the treasure too.
What's the concertina got to do with it?
I ain't telling.
Listen, you promises to marry me. He promises I do not listen,
I'm your agent. I'll do your booking.
Will you please tell us where the treasure is before we get shot?
All right, I'll tell you the secret. But remember he's got to marry me.
He'll marry you. All right
now, you broke my concertina
and it's a wastepaper basket. I never do it.
Hey, it's a map.
That's right. The map of Lost Springs mine.
That X shows just where the treasure is supposed to be buried. It's a cinch.
The only trouble is
lost Springs. Mine is in Winfield territory.
It sure is only, I didn't know there's treasure buried in it.
You know, you get to talk more like devil Dan. Let me hear you. Say Wilbur
Will.
That is
nicest little fella I ever known. I love him like a brother.
Never seen a feller. I like so much
if you're such a pal. How about calling off the fireworks. Well, sure.
Wingfield.
Hold you far.
It's me. Devil. D are
talking.
Get in boys.
But Daniel, what are you doing there?
I'm taking my friends to the Lost Springs. Mine,
well, that's our territory. I don't think I heard you right.
You hear him right? Start driving Daniel.
Yes, sir.
Granny kem.
Squeeze box. Run out on me
and he tricked us out of the treasure. How?
Well I give him the concertina
cause I thought he'd marry me. How'd you know about the secret?
Well, I peeked while you was working it
but I wouldn't have told him if devil cross his own kin, will he
Kim
from now on? You're ahead of this clan.
You get that concertina back and I don't care
how that's what I've been awaiting to hear.
Granny from now on that squeeze box. Ain't no better than no windfield.
I forgot my
corn mash.
Come on mccoys.
It. Done it again.
Well, there is
anything else I can do for you? Squeeze books. Tell them to go home.
Uh No, that's all right now, brother, you and the boys, you can go home.
Oh, that's the way you want it. Goodbye, brother.
Goodbye.
What am I doing here
with you?
You were just saying goodbye, brother. Don't call me brother Wilbert
Winfield.
Oh,
will they,
Wilbert?
Where are you, Wilbert?
I'm down here.
Watch out for that first step. It's a big one.
Come out of there. Come on,
come on up here.
It's a matter
there
on.
Come on. Get up.
You cow and you, what are you trying to do?
Hide and make me fight the windshields all alone
Winfield.
You know, what
should you do
that at the bottom of the shaft?
They give us a slip.
Why don't we go up and get them? We can't go up till somebody comes down
with the windfields down there. We'll never get the treasure.
I'm gonna go get the mccoys.
That is the trader.
You can walk her down.
Hey, we're in the middle again. Let's hide.
They took the elevator. We got him trapped. Get in.
Don't nobody shoot squeeze box except me
just like those windfields always raising the roof. Oh, there's killing.
I got to show kill on the map and that'll prove that I'm no traitor. Come on.
We've got to put some weight on here and all of the make it go down.
How can you carry these rocks? Ok.
They're up there. What are they doing?
I know how we can catch you. Kem.
We stay right here and then when that other elevator comes down,
we reach over and grab them
that way.
Excuse me. Pull this rock here.
Hey, is that what you've been carrying? Yeah. They're heavy.
There's no use.
This won't go down and like it off. Oh yeah. Yeah, I'll fix that.
Hey, you mccoy,
get off the elevator so we can come down.
Come.
Oh
Mr Trash.
Don't forget I'm your agent. I get 10%.
I grew him happy.
He must have put in a program.
Yeah.
What are you
doing here?
What are you men doing here? What are we doing here? This happens to be Fort Knox.
All right, sir.
Take it away.
Yes, sir.
Just a minute.
It
is.