Yeah.
Ok.
Yeah. DB.
Oh, just cleaning out the deadwood.
Ok.
Look, Mr Kell. I just can't afford to be without work right now. Not even for a day.
I've got a mother and two kids. This more. Good luck telegrams.
Well, you know how it is. I've
just got to keep on working. See, sorry, sister, I was sent down here to clean house.
I told you I can't use your column anymore.
It's lavender and old lace. Send those other people in.
I'll tell you what I'll do. I get $30 a week. I'll take 2520.
If necessary, I'll do anything. You say it isn't the money.
We're after circulation. What we need is fireworks.
People are gonna hit with sledgehammers. Start arguing. Oh, I can do that.
I know this town inside out. I give me a chance. All right. Come in, come in, come in.
Cashier's got your check.
Who are these people?
Gibbs Froley Cunningham
Giles.
Hey, your sister.
Don't forget to get out your last column before you pick up your check.
There were a couple of stick shiner collar man.
Big rich Slob like DB Norton buys a paper and 40 heads are chopped off.
Did you get it too?
Yeah,
you too.
Oh, Joe.
Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
Why don't we tear the building down
before you do win? Perhaps you'd better finish this column.
Lavender and old lace.
Wait, Joe.
Wait,
once bar works, huh?
Ok.
Yeah,
below is a letter which reached my desk this morning.
It's a commentary on what we laughingly call a civilized world.
Dear, Miss Mitchell. Four years ago, I was fired out of my job since then.
I haven't been able to get another one. At first.
I was sore at the state administration because
it's on account of the slimy politics.
Here. We have all this unemployment
but in looking around it seems the whole world's going to pot.
So in protest, I'm going to commit suicide by jumping off the city hall roof.
Sign to disgusted American citizen, John Doe.
Editor's note. If you ask this column,
the wrong people are jumping off the roofs.
Hey,
and this is the old faker room, isn't it? Never mind that Joe? Go ahead.
It's awful, sorry.
Ok.
And it's because of the slimy politics that we have all this unemployment here.
There it is.
That's DB Norton's opening attack on the governor. Why Jim?
It's just a letter and into a column. No, no, I can smell it. That's Norton.
Good morning gents.
Good morning governor.
Governor. Did you happen to see this in the new bulletin?
Yes,
I had it served with my breakfast this morning. Jim thinks it's DB Norton at work.
Of course it is. Oh, come Jim, that little item.
DB Norton does things in a much bigger way. This is his opening attack on you.
Governor. Take my word for it.
What did he buy a paper for? Why did he engage a high pressure editor, like canal for?
He's in the oil business.
I tell you, governor, he's after your scalp. All right, Jim. All right.
Don't burst a blood vessel. I'll look into it.
You get me Spencer the Daily Chronicle, please. Yes. Yes, I saw it. Governor.
If you ask me, that's a phony letter. Why that gag has got whiskers on it?
Ok. I'll get the mayor and maybe the Chamber of Commerce to go after them.
Mayor
of it on the phone.
Sorry. The mayor is busy on the other phone.
Yes, I know Mrs Brewster. It's a terrible reflection on our city.
I've had a dozen calls already. Spencer of the Chronicle. Hold just a minute.
Yes, Mrs Brewster. I'm listening.
I insist that this John Doe man be found and given a job at once.
Now, if something isn't done about it, I'll call out the whole
hold
a meeting
and see that.
Yes.
The governor.
Well, what about me? It's my building. He's jumping off of
and I'm up for re-election too. What are you doing? Get Canal with the bulletin? Why?
Why he's liable to go? Right? Past my window. Get the canal. What was that? For? What?
Out the window, something just flew by. I didn't see anything.
Well, don't stand there. You eat, go and look open the window.
Oh, why did he have to pick on my building?
Is there a crowd in the street? No, sir. Then maybe he's caught on an edge. Look again.
I think it must have been a seagull. A seagull.
What's a seagull doing around the city hall?
That, that's a bad omen, isn't it? Oh, no, sir. The seagull is a lovely bird.
It's all right, Mrs Brewster. It was just a seagull. Nothing's happened yet.
No, I'm watching. Don't worry, Mr.
Just leave it all to me. Spencer. I'll call you back.
Hello?
This is, what are you doing? This is the mayor. Yes. May I love it?
How many times are you gonna call me?
I've got everybody and his brother and sister are looking for him.
Did you see the box? I'm running
an appeal of John Doe. Think it over John life can be beautiful. Says mayor,
if you need a job, apply to the editor of this paper and so forth and so forth.
Ok. Mayor, I'll let you know as soon as I have something.
What
don't pull down the blinds
up to Miss
Mile's house, boss. Boy, she's in a bad way. Where is she? Do you know something?
She supports a mother and two kids? Why do you know about that. Did you find her?
No, her mother's awfully worried about her when she left the house.
She said she was going on a roaring drum
of the girl. I mean, go out and find her. Sure.
Hey, but the biggest thing I didn't tell you, her old man is Doc Mitchell.
You know, the doctor saved my mother's life and wouldn't take any money for it.
You remember that?
Ok, boss. I'll go and look for it.
Can you
talk?
Holy smokes, Commissioner. You've had 24 hours.
Ok. Hawkshaw. Grab a pencil. Here it is again.
About 5 ft five
brown eyes, light chestnut hair
and as fine a pair of legs as
ever walked into this office,
I do want to see me. No,
I've had the whole army and navy out searching for
you because that's a game we play here every day.
I remember distinctly being fired. That's right.
But you have a piece of property that still belongs
to this newspaper and I'd like to have it.
What's that? The letter? What letter,
the letter from John Doe?
Oh, the whole town's in an uproar. We've got to find him and the letter's the only clue
there is no letter. We've got a handwriting expert too.
What's
that?
Say that again?
No matter I made it up,
you made it up.
You said you wanted fireworks.
Don't, you know, there are nine jobs waiting for this guy.
22 families want to board him free.
Five women want to marry him and the man's practically
ready to adopt him and you just call the M
block. You said there's a girl,
shut up
and
say, why didn't you?
Only one thing to do? Hank wrap the whole business quickly
run a story. Say John Doe was in here and you're sorry, you wrote the letter and
I've got it. Sure he came in here and I made him change his mind. What n
that saved John Doe's life. It's perfect. I'll have Ned write it
up on Ned.
I got a story. I want you to wait a minute.
Listen, you great big, wonderful genius of a newspaper. Man.
You came down here to shoot some life into this dying paper, didn't you?
Well, the whole town's curious about John Doe and boom, just like that,
you're going to bury him.
There's enough circulation in that man to start a shortage in the
market. And what man, John Doe? What John Doe? Why John Doe?
The one I made up look genius.
Now, look, suppose there was a John Doe and he walked into this office.
What would you do? Find him a job and forget about the whole business, I suppose. Huh?
Not me. I'd make a deal with him.
Adele.
When you get a hold of a stunt that sells papers, you don't drop it like a hot potato.
Well, this is good for at least a couple of months.
You know what I'd do between now and let's say Christmas, when he's gonna jump,
I'd run a daily yawn, starting with his boyhood, his schooling, his first job,
a wide eyed youngster facing a chaotic world.
The problem of the average man, of all the John doe in the world. Now,
then comes the drama. He needs to,
he finds the world, his feet of clay, his ideals crumble. So what does he do?
He decides to commit suicide and protest against the state of civilization.
He thinks of the river. But no, no, he has a better idea. The city hall. Why?
Because he wants to attract attention.
He wants to get a few things off his chest
and that's the only way he can get himself heard.
So so so he writes me a letter and I dig him up, he pours out his soul.
I
and from now on we quote, I protest by John Doe.
He protests against all the evils in the world, the greed, the lust, the hate,
the fear, all of man's inhumanity to man.
Arguments will start, should he commit suicide or should he not?
People will write in pleading with him.
But no, no sir, John Doe will remain adamant on Christmas Eve. Hot or cold.
Heat goes see,
very pretty,
very pretty indeed, Miss Mitchell.
But would you mind telling me who goes on Christmas Eve? John Doe? What John Doe?
Why we hire for a job? You lunkhead? Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Let me get this through this lame brain of mine.
Are you suggesting we go out and hire someone to
say he's going to commit suicide on Christmas Eve?
Is that it? You're catching on who for instance, anybody
do? Why? Sure.
Who me jump off? Oh,
any time at Christmas? I'm superstitious.
Miss Bishop. Do me a favor. Will you go
out and get married and have a lot of babies? But
stay out of newspaper. Let me get that story in hand. It's getting late.
You're supposed to be a smart guy.
If it was ringing $100 bills, you'd be out looking for a dime. You lost someplace.
Not always smokes wasting my time listening to this mad woman.
Look, Chief, look at the Chronicler was running on John Doe. They say it's a fake.
Why? They're no good
John Doe's story, amateur journalism.
It's
t phony. It's a winner. Anyone that is taking it seriously?
What do you think of those guys? That's fine. That's fine.
Now fall right into their laps. Go ahead.
Say John Doe walked in and called the whole thing off. You know what?
That's gonna sound like on top of this.
That's all. Thank you. All right.
Amateur journalism, huh? Wired up a bunch of sophomores.
I can teach them more about, hey, boss, get a load of this. What? Look,
yes.
What do they want? They all say they wrote the John Doe letter
Oh,
they all wrote the letter. Tell them all to wait. Look, Mr
Kell, one of those men is your John Doe.
They're desperate and will do anything for a cup of coffee.
Pick one out and you can make the Chronicle eat their words.
I'm beginning to like this.
If you ask me, Hank, you're playing around with dynamite. No, no, no, no, no.
The gal's right. We can't let the Chronicle get the laugh on us.
We've got to produce a John Doe know amateur journalism. Huh? I'll show those guys.
Sure.
And there's no reason for them to find out
the truth either because naturally I won't say anything.
Ok, so you'll get your job back plus a bonus,
what bonus or the bonus of $1000?
The Chronicle was going to pay me for this little document.
You'll find, it says that I am Mitchell hereby.
Certify that the John Doe letter was created by me. I can read, I can read, sorry.
You think this is worth $1000? Do you? The Chronicle would consider a dirt chief
packs, everything including a gun.
Ok. So you got yourself a deal.
Now, let's take a look at the candidates.
The one we pick has gotta be the typical average man,
typical American that can keep his mouth shut.
Show me an American who can keep his mouth shut and I'll eat him.
Ok? Beanie. Bring him in one time
been.
Bye.
Did you write that letter to Miss Mitchell.
No, I didn't.
What are you doing up here?
Well,
the paper says there were some jobs around Luce thought there might be one left over,
had any schooling,
you know,
a
little.
What do you do when you work?
I used to pitch baseball.
Yeah.
So the Wing went bad. Where'd you play
Bush Leagues mostly?
How about family? Got any family?
No,
I guess traveling through, huh?
Yeah,
me and a friend of mine, he's outside.
It looks all right.
Perfect. A baseball player. What could be more American when she had a family?
That would be less complicated without a family. Look at that face.
That's wonderful. They'll believe him. Come on.
Oh,
what's your name?
Willoughby? John Willoughby Long. John Willoughby. They called me in baseball.
Uh, would you, uh,
would you like to make some money?
Yeah.
Maybe.
Would you be willing to say you wrote that letter and stick by it?
Mm.
I get the idea.
Yeah,
maybe
that's our man. He's made to order. I don't know.
You don't seem like the kind of a guy that
would fall in line when you're desperate for money.
You do a lot of things, Mr Connell. He's our man. I tell you
he's fainted.
Get in the water, quickly. Hurry up, pop
right here. Sit out.
You all right.
Yeah, I'm all right.
How many is that? Six?
Pretty hungry? Why aren't you?
Ok.
All this John Doe business is bad
if you ask me, nobody asked you
trying to improve the world by jumping off buildings,
you couldn't improve the world if the buildings jumped on.
You
don't mind the colonel. He hates people. He likes you well enough to stick around.
That's because we both play do hickey.
I
met him in a bar car a couple of years ago.
I was fooling around with my harmonica and he comes over and joins in.
I haven't been able to shake him since.
All right, boys. Here he is. No, no, no.
You can't take pictures of him like that eating a sandwich and with a beard.
But he's gonna jump off a building. Yes, but not because he's out of a job.
That's not news. This man's going to jump as a matter of principle.
Well, maybe you're right.
We'll clean him up and put him in a hotel room under bodyguards.
We'll make a mystery out of him. Did you speak to Mr Norton?
Think it's horrific says for us to go the limit.
He wants us to build a bonfire under every big shot in the state.
Is that the contract? Yeah.
What's he doing here? A friend of his, they play duets together
dues.
But can we trust him?
I trust him.
Oh, you trusted me. Well, that's fine. I suppose he trusts you too. Stop
hing. He's all right. Ok. But we don't want more than a couple of 100 people in on this.
Thing.
Now,
the first thing I want is an exact copy of the John Doe letter in your own handwriting.
I got it already here.
That's fine.
Now, I want you to sign this agreement.
It gives us an exclusive story under your name day by day. From now until Christmas
on December 26th. You get one railroad ticket
out of town
and they're pulling agrees to pay to have your arm fixed.
That's what you want, isn't it? Yeah, but it's got to be by Bone Setter Brown. Ok.
Bone setter Brown goes here, sign it.
Meanwhile here's $50 of spending money.
That's fine.
Be
that
take charge of him, get him a suite at the Imperial and hire some bodyguards.
He had some new clothes beanie. I think you better have him the last. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, both of them. Yes, both of them. But don't let him out of your sight. Hey beanie.
Great.
Ok, fellas.
Take it easy. John Doe
and you start pounding that typewriter. Oh boy, this is terrific.
No responsibility is not about your statements from John Doe and we
can blast our heads off before you pop too many buttons.
Don't forget to make out that check for 1000.
Um
ok, fellas. Now let me see.
You sit outside the door and nobody comes in and say you two fellas sit in here.
Hey, pretty nifty, huh?
You ain't gonna get me to stay here. Sure you are. No sir.
That spot under the bridge where we slept last night is good enough for me.
Say what I do with this bag. I stick them in the bedroom. Give me one. I ain't staying.
You know,
we were headed for the Columbia River country
before all this John Doe business came up.
You remember that? Don't you sure? I remembers
your ears popped coming up in the elevator.
Mind it all along John, I tell you, it's no good.
You're gonna get used to a lot of stuff that's gonna wreck you.
Why that 50 bucks in your pockets begin to show up on you already
and don't pull that on me neither.
Stop worrying. Colonel. I'm gonna get my arm fixed out of this.
Hey, here's some cigars. The bar, send us
have one. Hey,
say, I bet you even the major leaguers don't rate an outfit like this here.
Make yourself comfortable.
I don't read no papers and I don't listen to radios either.
I know the world's been shaped by a drunken barer and I don't have to read it.
I've seen guys like you go under before,
guys that never had a worry.
Then they got ahold of some dough and went goofy. The first thing that happened to
you got out
of the bedroom.
No.
The first thing that happens to a guy like that,
he starts wanting to go into restaurants and sit down
at a table and eat salads and cupcakes and tea.
Boy, what that kind of food does to your system.
The next thing the dope wants is a room.
Yes, sir. A room with steam heat
and curtains and rugs and before you know it,
he's all softened up and he can't sleep unless he has a bed.
Ok. Stop waiting. Colonel. 50 bucks ain't going to ruin me.
I've seen plenty of fellows start out with 50 bucks and wind up with a bank account.
Hey, what's the matter with a bank account anyway? And let me tear you long, John.
When you become a guy with a bank account,
they got you. Yes, sir. They got you.
Who's got him? The halo?
Who? Hey,
there's the City Hall Tower. I was supposed to jump off up.
It's even higher than this. Who's got him
the halo?
Hey, wait a minute.
You're not supposed to jump on Christmas Eve. Do you want to get me in a jam?
If it's gonna get you in the jam, I'll do you a favor.
I won't jump
and when they got you, you got no more chance than a road rabbit.
Hey, who'd you say was gonna get him?
Hey, is this one of those places where you ring if you want something?
Yeah, just use the phone. Boy. I've always wanted to do this.
Hey, Doc, look, look, doc.
Give me that again. Will you?
Who's gonna get them?
The halos?
Who are they?
Listen sucky. You ever been broke? Sure. Mostly often. All right,
you're walking along. Not a nickel in your jeans. You're free as the wind.
Nobody bothers you.
Hundreds of people pass you by in every line of business shoes, hats, automobiles,
radios, furniture, everything
and they're all nice lovable people and they let you alone.
Is that right?
Then you get a hold of some dough in. What happens?
All those nice, sweet lovable people become helos.
A lot of heels.
They begin creeping up on you
trying to sell you something.
They get long claws
and they get a stranglehold on you
and you squirm and you duck and you holler and you
try to push them away but you haven't got a chance.
They got you
first thing, you know your own things, a car, for instance,
now your whole life is messed up with a lot more stuff.
You get license fees and number plates
and gas and oil and taxes and insurance
and identification cards and letters and bills and flat tires and dents
and traffic tickets and motorcycle cops and courtrooms and lawyers and fines and
a million and one other things.
And what happens.
You're not the free and happy guy. You used to be,
you got to have money to pay for all those things.
So you go after what the other fellow's got
and they are.
You're a helo
yourself.
You win colonel here, take the fifties,
go and get rid of it. You bet I will just as fast as I can.
I'm gonna get some canned goods. A fishing rod and the rest I'm gonna give away.
Give away.
Hey, get me a pitcher's glove. I gotta get some practice.
See, he's giving it away. I'm gonna give
you some of that. Hey, come back here. You heelot
where you send up five hamburgers with all the trimmings.
Five chocolate ice cream sodas
and five pieces of apple pie.
No apple with cheese.
Yeah, thanks.
Hello there.
Well, well,
if it isn't the man of our town all set, Miss Ann. Hm.
00, yes, let's go.
Um,
let's see. We want some action in these pictures.
No, no, no. This man's going to jump off a roof here.
Wait a minute. Let me comb your hair.
Sit down.
Yeah, that's better.
Hm.
You know, he's got a nice face, hasn't he? Yeah, he's pretty,
sit down quiet. Egghead.
All right now. A serious expression. Can't offend
you.
Come on now, this is serious. You're a man disgusted with all of civilization
with all of it. Yes. You sore at the world. Come on now.
I crabby guy. Huh?
Yeah.
No, no,
no, no.
Now, look, you don't have to smell the world.
All those guys,
never
mind those guys. All right.
Stand up now, let's see what you look like when you protest against,
what against anything.
Just protest.
You got me.
Oh, look,
I'm the umpire and you just cut the heart of the
plate with your fast one and I called it a ball.
What would you
do? Oh, you did? Yeah.
Why can't you call a right? You boneheaded.
I don't care whose picture they're publishing.
I still say that this John Doe person is a myth
and you can quote me on that
and I'm going to insist on his being produced for questioning,
you know, as well as I do
that this whole thing is being engineered by a vicious man with a vicious purpose.
Mr DB Norton.
Mr Connell and Miss Mitchell are at the house.
Oh, they are
all right. Come
on
personally. I think it's just plain stupidity to drop it. Now.
You should see his fan mail thousands. Why? It's going over like a house of fire.
What are you afraid of? Can,
it's doubled our circulation.
Yeah, but it's got everybody's saw ads are being pulled.
The governor's starting a libel suit.
What's more they all know John does are phony and they insist on seeing.
What about I let them see him? We'll go on one better. They can also hear him.
You own a radio station,
Mr Norton. Why I put him on the air. Watch out for this damn day. She'll drive your bat.
Look, we can't let him get to this Bush League,
but you'll start popping him good night.
Not tell him what the screwball might do.
I walk in yesterday here he is standing on a table with a fishing pole, fly casting,
take my advice and get him out of town before this thing explodes in our face.
You do Mr Norton? You're just as much of a dun cluck as he is. Excuse me?
No, you got yourself a meal,
a meal
ticket for me. I admit it.
But it's also a windfall for somebody like
Mr Norton who's trying to crash national politics.
That's what you bought the newspaper for, isn't it?
You want to reach a lot of people, don't you?
Well, put John Doe in the air and you can reach 130 million of them.
He can see anything he wants and they'll listen to him.
All right, we'll forget the governor and the mayor and all the small fry like that.
This can arouse national interest.
If he made a hit around here, he can do it every place else in the country
and you'll be pulling the strings. Mr Norton.
Go down to the office and arrange for some radio time. What? Baby, you're not going
as soon as possible?
Ok. I just came in to get warm myself.
Come on. Let's go.
And don't you go, I want to talk to you,
sit down
if it's John Doe idea. It's yours, huh?
Yes, sir.
How much money do you get? $30?
$30?
Well, um,
what are you after? I mean, what do you want a journalistic career money?
Well,
well, I'm glad to hear somebody admitted.
Do you suppose you could write a radio speech? That would put that letter over?
Oh, I'm sure I can do it. And I'll give you $100 a week, 100. That's only the beginning.
You play your cards, right. And you'll never have to worry about money again.
Oh, I know it. Hello. Hello. Whenever there's a pretty woman around.
This is my nephew Ted Sheldon, Miss Mitchell.
How do you do? All right, Casanova, I'll give you a break.
See that Miss Mitchell gets a car to take her home.
Always reading my mind, aren't you?
Thank you very much for everything.
And MS Mitchell,
I think from now on you'd better work directly with me.
Yeah.
Hey,
look,
I thought you were asleep.
Oh, you,
you're
just
come, come, come, Children. It's past your bedtime.
Come on, come on,
stay for through me. I'm done. I'll never get this speech. Right. Oh, yes, you will.
And dear, you're very clever. Yeah, I know.
What are you looking for your purse? I need $10. What for?
I gave you 50 just the other day.
Yes, I know, dear. But Mrs Burke had her baby yesterday. Nine pounds
and there wasn't a thing in the house.
And then the Community Chest lady came, the fifty's all gone, huh?
Who is the 10 for the Webster? The Websters? You remember those lovely people?
Your father used to take care? I
thought I'd buy them some groceries.
And dear. It's a shame. Those
marvelous ma, you're just like father used to be.
Do you realize a couple of weeks ago we didn't have enough to eat ourselves?
Well, yes, I know, dear. But these people in such need and we have plenty.
If you are thinking of that $1000 forget it. It's practically all gone.
We owed everybody in town and you've just got to stop giving all your money away.
Oh, and dear.
Oh, I'm sorry, Ma
Lords don't pay any attention to me. I guess I'm just upset about all this.
Gee whiz.
Here I am with a great opportunity to get somewhere to
give us security for once in our lives and I'm stuck.
If I could put this over you or Mrs Burke can have six babies.
I mean, this speech you're writing. Yeah. I don't know. I simply can't get it to gel.
I created somebody who's going to give up his life for a principle.
Hundreds of thousands of people are going to listen to
him over the radio and unless he says something that's,
well, that's sensational. It's just no good.
Well, honey, of course, I don't know what kind of a speech you're trying to write.
But judging from the samples I've read,
I don't think anybody will listen. What?
Darling. There are so many complaining political speeches.
People are tired of hearing nothing but doom and despair on the radio.
If you're going to have him say anything.
Why don't you let him say something simple and real. Something with hope in it.
If your father were alive, he'd know what to say.
Oh,
yeah.
All the certain I would
wait a minute.
That's your father's diary. Anne
Father,
I never knew he had a diary.
There's enough in it for 100 speeches.
Things people ought to hear. Nowadays
you be careful of it, won't you dear?
It's always helped to keep your father alive for me.
You better with my
right.
Wait a minute, John Doe don't want to sign no autographs. What does he do all day?
What does he do all day? He's writing all these memories.
Sorry lady. You can't see Mr Doe. He wants to be alone.
No.
No, he just sits around all day and commutes with himself.
Oh,
I don't know how you're going to stand it around here till after Christmas.
I'll bet you ain't heard a train whistle in two weeks.
Extreme. Right?
I know why you're hanging around.
You're stuck on the girl.
That's all a guy needs is to get hooked up with a woman.
What was that? A single,
the first baseman dropped the ball,
buddy. Fingers.
Tough luck pal.
The guy has a woman on his hand.
First thing he knows his life is balled up with a lot more things.
Furniture.
Do you get him?
You,
well,
what's this, the end of the eighth nine?
Hey, Bennie, there's a couple of mugs in the chronicle snooping around out here.
Come on, Angel Feast.
Ok.
G
Wayne,
what's the score on your face? Tweet it to our favor? Gee, that's great.
You get well form. There must have been a pretty good pitcher.
Pretty good.
I was just about ready for the major leagues when I chipped a bone in my elbow.
I got a pitch in a 19 inning game.
19. Yeah,
there was a major league scout there watching me too
and he came down after a game of the contract.
You know what?
I couldn't lift my arm to sign it.
I'll be ok though.
When I get it fixed up,
it's too bad.
What do you mean? Too bad,
huh?
Oh, that, you'll never be able to play again.
What are you talking about?
I just told you I was gonna get, you know how they are in baseball?
If a guy is mixed up in a racket
racket, what do you mean?
Well, I was just thinking about this John Doe business
where as soon as it comes out it's all a fake.
You'll be washed up in baseball, won't you?
Yeah,
don't go
on. I never thought about that.
Gosh.
And another thing, what about all the kids in the country?
The kids that idolize ball players? What are they gonna think about you?
Yeah.
A paid colonel.
Did you hear that?
I gotta figure some way out of this thing. The
elevators are still running.
I know one way you can do it.
How,
well, when you get up there on the radio,
all you have to do is to say the whole thing is a frame up.
Make you a hero. Sure as you're born.
Yeah. But how am I gonna get my arm fixed?
That's a sesh,
I know somebody don't give you $5000 just to get up on the radio and tell the truth.
$5000.
Yeah, $5000 and he gets it right away.
You don't have to wait till Christmas
look out long John, they're closing in on you
say who's putting up this dough?
Ferenza Chronicle.
Here's the speech you make and it's all written out for you.
$5000. Holy mackerel. I can see the heel lots coming the whole army of them.
So on the level.
No, I'm sorry. Tickets for the broadcast are all gone.
Phone, the bulletin, sorry. No more tickets left.
Hello, John. All set for the big night.
Turn around.
I
look John, here's the speech. It's in Captain double space.
You won't have any trouble reading it.
Not nervous. Are you? No, of course not. He wouldn't be
John Doe.
The one in there. Hey, don't let your knees rattle. It picks up on the
m
you needn't be nervous, John. All you have to remember is to be sincere.
I pick up that phone.
It's for you. Ok.
Hello?
Yes, mother.
Oh, thank you, darling. Oh, there he is the poor dear man. Oh, good luck to
you, Mr
Doe. We want you to know that we're all for you. For the girl's
body.
The speech
I gave you
come in.
I'm giving this money to the colonel. Just as soon as you get started,
we'll have a car waiting at the side entrance for you. Ok. How'd you get in here?
Oh, I just came in to wish him come on out out.
Mother says good luck to John.
When you read that speech, please, please believe every word of him.
He turned out to be a wonderful person. John. Who? John doe the one in the speech? Oh,
you know something. I, I've actually fallen in love with him.
All right there he is
now. Come on, plenty of both. What's the idea? No, no, no, no, no, no, that's too
much.
That's not so much. Come on,
this is no time for cheap publicity. Mr Cannell.
Listen, if that guy lays an egg, I want to get something out of it.
I'm getting a chain doe ready. Oh, come on.
You
give me
a chance.
I
have
one.
Fine,
honey, you go ahead and
go ahead.
How are you doing?
All right, Beny. Bring him in.
Holy smoke, a half a heel lot.
There you are boss. Just like you are symbols of little people. Ok? Get them up.
All right.
This is ridiculous, Mr Can
come
on, give me
an
on the,
come
on.
Come
on.
Come
on.
That's
right.
You can get
all the
pictures you
want.
Come
on.
That's
right. Come on,
snook. You gotta bail out
the virus to go.
Beanie.
Better get ready one minute to go
one minute to go. The score is nothing to nothing. Now please John,
you won't let me down, will you
will you,
of course you won't
if you'll just think of yourself as the real John. Doe
Listen everything in that speech of things. A certain man believed in.
He was my father John and
when he talked, people listened
and they listened to you too
funny.
You know what my mother said the other night,
she had to look into your eyes
but I'd see father there.
Hey, what are you saying? Ok, we're coming. Come on
now. Listen, John, you're a pitcher
now get in there and pitch.
Good luck.
Give home that throw
there.
Hey,
let's get out of here. There's the door right there. Hey, what are you doing here?
That's what I'd like to know. Come on.
Hey, he's a friend of mine. Never mind. Let him alone. He's all right.
I'll be right over there pulling for you.
No, John over here
standby
phone the Chronicle. Tell them to start getting those extras out.
Ok. Ok.
And good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
this is Kenneth Price speaking for the new bulletin tonight.
We give you something entirely new and different.
Standing beside me is the young man who has declared publicly that on Christmas Eve,
he intends to commit suicide
giving as his reason. Quote,
I protest against the state of civilization.
End quote.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the new bulletin takes pleasure in presenting the man who is
fast becoming the most talked up person in the whole country.
John Doe,
ladies and gentlemen,
I am the man you all know as John Doe,
I took that name
because it seems to describe
that bad
because it seems to describe
the average man
and that's me
and that's me.
Well,
it was me before I said I was going to jump
off the city hall roof at midnight on Christmas Eve.
Now, I guess I'm not average anymore.
Now, I'm getting all sorts of attention
from big shots too.
We've been double crossed the mayor and the governor, for instance,
they don't like those articles. I've been writing.
You're an imposter, young fellow.
That's a pack of lies. You're telling
who wrote that speech for you?
Penny got
it.
I can.
So
ladies and gentlemen,
the disturbance you just heard was caused by someone
in the audience who tried to heckle Mr Doe.
The speech will continue.
Right.
Well,
people like the governor,
people like the governor and that fellow there can,
can stop worrying.
I'm not gonna talk about them.
I'm gonna talk about us.
The average guys the John does.
If anybody should ask you what the average John Doe is like
you couldn't tell him because he's a million and one things.
He's mister Big
and mister small. He's simple and he's wise. He's inherently honest,
but he's got a streak of larceny in his heart.
He seldom walks up to a public telephone without shoving his finger
into the slot to see if somebody left a nickel there.
Ok.
He's the man,
the ads are written for, he's a fellow. Everybody sells things to,
he's Joe Doakes, the world's greatest Stooge
and the world's greatest strength
this planet.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir. We're a great family that John does.
We are the meek who are, who are supposed to inherit the earth.
You'll find us everywhere.
We raise the crops, we dig the mines, work the factories, keep the books,
fly the planes and drive the buses and when a cop yells, stand back there, you,
he means us.
The John does. What kind of a speech is that? Didn't you read it?
We have existed since time began. We built the pyramids.
We saw Christ crucified,
pulled the oars for Roman emperors,
sailed the boats for Columbus
retreated from Moscow with Napoleon
and froze with Washington at Valley Forge.
Yes, sir.
We've been in there dodging left hooks since before history began to walk
in our struggle for freedom.
We've hit the canvas many a time,
but we always bounce back because we're the people and we're tough.
They've started a lot of talk about free people going soft
that we can't take it.
That's a lot of hooey.
A free people can beat the world at anything from war to tiddlywinks.
If we all pull in the same direction.
I know a lot of you are saying, what can I do?
I'm just a little punk. I don't count.
Well, you're dead wrong.
The little punks have always counted because in the long run,
the character of a country is the sum total of the character of its little punks.
But we've all got to get in there and pitch.
We can't win the old ball game unless we have teamwork.
And that's where every John doe comes in.
It's up to him to get together with his teammate
and your teammate. My friends
is the guy next door to you,
your neighbor, he's a terribly important guy, that guy next door.
You're gonna need him and he's gonna need you. So look him up
if he's sick, call on him
if he's hungry, feed him
if he's out of a job, find him one
to most of you.
Your neighbor is a stranger, a guy with a barking dog and a high fence around him.
Now, you can't be a stranger to any guy that's on your own team.
So tear down the fence that separates, you,
tear down the fence and you tear down a lot of hates and prejudices,
tear down all the fences in the country and you really have teamwork.
I know a lot of you are saying to yourselves,
he's asking for a miracle to happen. He's expecting people to change all of a sudden.
Well, you're wrong. It's no miracle.
It's no miracle because I see it happen once every year.
And so do
you at Christmas time?
There's something swell about the spirit of Christmas
to see what it does to people, all kinds of people.
Now, why can't that spirit,
that same warm Christmas spirit last the whole year round?
Gosh,
if it ever did,
if each and every John Doe would make that spirit last 365 days out of the year,
we develop such a strength.
We'd create such a tidal wave of goodwill that no human force could stand against
it.
Yes, sir. My friends,
the meek can only inherit the earth when the John does start loving their neighbors.
You better start right now.
Don't wait till the game is called on account of darkness.
Wake up John Doe. You're the hope of the world.
John is a woman.
Let's get out of
here. Now. You
me,
hey,
I knew you'd wake up sooner or later.
Boy, am I glad we got out of that mess?
I had the 5000 bucks sewed up. Could have been on my way to old doc Brown.
You're a pitcher, John, she says now go in there and pitch. What a sucker.
She's a healer just like the rest of this. Lucky. Get away from it.
What was I doing up there making a speech anyway. Me, huh?
Jeez. The more I think about it, the more I could tear down all the fences.
Why if you tore one picket off of your neighbor's fence, he'd sue you. 5000 bucks.
Had it right in my hand. What do you mean? He ran away.
We'll
go after him. Find him. That man is terrific.
So, let me
here, we come
time.
Juna
Bug.
Yeah.
Right.
How much money we got left?
Poor bitch.
Better make a doughnut. Huh? Yeah.
What did J
have you got a couple of steaks about that big and about that thick
with hash brown potatoes and tomatoes and,
and apple pie and ice cream and coffee and doughnuts.
I know
Emma
seers a
fair.
I
think it a fair coming up.
He took the t
out of
there.
Hey,
look.
Joined the John Doe club.
John Doe Club.
Oh,
you John Doe? Who? John Doe?
Ah, you need glasses, buddy.
But
it's the
name of
John Doe. Yeah, but his name is Willoughby. I'm John Willoughby.
I'm a baseball player.
No,
I know that voice anyway. You can't kid me.
You're John Doe.
Hey ma
ma,
that's John Doe. John Doe.
Yeah. Sitting right there. But his life. Who did you say it was John Doe?
The big guy there
in
the.
Yeah.
Hey operator
Dan Beer.
Call everybody in town. John Doe was just in my place.
Yeah,
he ordered donuts.
Oh,
John
do.
Right.
I
see.
And my A
p, like a
sardine box. What does John Doe look like Mr Mayor?
Oh, he's one of those great big outdoor type man.
No, you can't see him. You didn't vote for me the last time. Shame on you.
What are you doing there? Get off my front porch anyhow, Mr Norton. Come here.
Oh, well, I'm gonna raise that. What's keeping him?
He should have been here 15 minutes ago.
There it comes out
now, everybody on your dignity don't do anything to this grace.
It's a little town, but we got to show off
then let me talk to him. All right.
But present it to him as a great cause for the common man. Ah, here he
comes
down.
Come on,
come
on
here.
Come
here, come
here, Miss Martin.
How
you miss Martin?
I'm there. Hawking.
Let
me go. You darn
too.
I'm
there, Mr
Martin,
I'm there. Hawking
telephoned me to hold him. Well, that's fine. How is he? Oh, he's fine.
He's right in my office there. You know what? You been on having John Doe here?
And you too haven't had so much excitement since the old city hall burned down.
People are so excited and then the torch goes off. Oh, Matilda darling.
Phone the newspapers telling Mr Norton you step right inside Mr Norton.
My office is very comfortable here. Mr Norton just had an air conditioned gangway.
Please get in
for Mr Norton Gangway Gangway. Here he is, Mr Norton.
Well, taken care of the neighbors are serving him a light lunch.
Hello, John.
Well,
well, Mr Mayor, if you don't mind, we'd like to talk to him alone.
Certainly. Certainly. All right, everybody clear off.
But you
quickly now,
come
on, you can
you
come on,
that's,
that's not at the
moment.
Don't argue with me here. Wait till we get home.
You're too pushing me around like that. Even though I'm your boy,
he kept pushing me around.
Look, Mr Norton, I think you got a lot of nerve having those people hold us here.
There's nobody holding you here, Mr Doe.
It's only natural. There's nobody holding us here. Let's get going
incidentally, my name isn't Doe. It's Willoughby. Look, John,
something terribly important's happened. They're forming John Doe clubs.
We know of eight already and they say that there's no clubs.
What form to carry out the principles you talked about in your radio speech.
I don't care what they're forming.
I'm on my way and I don't like the idea of being stopped either.
But you don't know how big this thing is.
You should see the thousands of telegrams we've
received and what they're saying about you.
Look, it started as a circulation stunt, didn't it?
Well, you got your circulation now, why don't you let me alone?
Oh, it started as a circulation stunt but it isn't anymore.
Mr Norton wants to get back of it and sponsor John Doe clubs all over the country.
He wants to send you on a lecture tour.
Me
but certainly with your ability to influence people,
it might grow into a glorious movement.
So let's get something straight here.
I don't want any part of this thing.
If you got an idea, I'm going around lecturing the people while you're crazy.
Baseball's my racket and I'm sticking to it.
Come on, Colonel, let's get out of here
John, please, please. I just got rid of one crowd. But please Mr Mayor
tell him the John Doe Club wants to talk to him.
Let them in. Mr Mayor, let them come in.
Ok folks. But remember you manage.
No stampeding walk slow like you do when you come to pay your taxes.
Nice.
Ok.
All right. Give me a chance.
Come right in.
Uh
my name is Bert Hanson. Mr Doe. I'm the head soda jerker at Schwabacher
Drugstore.
Well, sir,
you see me and my wife, we heard your broadcast and we got quite a bang out,
especially my wife kept me up half the night saying that man's right.
Honey, the trouble with the world is nobody gives a hoot about his neighbor.
That's why everybody in town sore and cranky at each other.
And I kept saying, oh, that's fine.
But how's a guy going to go around loving the kind of neighbors? We got
old sourpuss. For instance,
you see sourpuss. Smithers is a guy lives all alone next door to us.
He's a cranky old man and runs a second hand furniture store.
We haven't spoken to him for years.
I always figured he was an ordinary old gent that hated the world
because he was always slamming his garage door and playing the radio salad.
He kept half the neighbors up.
Well, anyway, the next morning I'm out watering the lawn and I look over and there's
sourpuss on the other side of the head straightening out a dent in his fender.
And, uh, my wife yells to me out the window.
She says, go on, speak to him. Bert.
And I figured, well, heck, I can't lose anything. So I yelled over to him.
Good morning Mr Smithers.
He went right on pounding his fender was I burned.
So I turned around to give my wife a dirty look and
she said louder louder. He didn't hear you.
So, in a voice you could have heard in the next county.
I yell, good morning Mr Smithers.
Well, sir, you're gonna knock me over with a feather
old cuss
turned around. Surprise. Like, and he put on a big smile
came over and took my hand like an old lodge brother.
And he said, good morning Hanson,
I've been wanting to talk to you for years. Ho I thought you didn't like me
and then he started chatting away like a happy little kid and he got so excited,
his eyes are.
Well, Mr Doe before we got through, I found out Smithers is a swell egg only.
He's pretty deaf. And that accounts for all the noises.
And he says it's a shame how little we know about our neighbors. And then he got an idea
and he said,
how's about inviting everybody someplace where we can all
get together and know each other a little better?
Well, I'm feeling so good by this time I'm ripe for anything.
So Smithers goes around the neighborhood inviting everybody to a meeting at
the schoolhouse and I tell everybody that comes in the store,
including Mr Far
Becker, my boss.
I'm talking too much.
I know.
Well,
I'll be doggone if for 40 people don't show up.
Of course, none of us knew what to do,
but we sure got a kick out of seeing how
glad everybody was just to say hello to one another.
Tell me about making sourpuss
chairman. Oh yeah, we made Sourpuss
chairman and decided to call ourselves the John Doe
Club and say incidentally this is my wife.
Come here, honey.
This is my wife, Mr Doe.
How do you do, Mr Doe
sourpuss
is here too? Oh,
is he?
This is
sourpuss or excuse me, Mr Smithers, Mr Doe. That's all right.
If you didn't call me sourpuss, it wouldn't feel natural.
Well, anyway, I,
I guess nearly everybody in the neighborhood came except the delaney
and the delaney's live in a big house with an
iron fence around it and they always keep their blinds drawn
and we always figured that he was just an old miser that sat back counting his money.
So why bother about inviting him
until the grimes, the milk man spoke up and he said, uh,
say you've got the delaney's all wrong.
And then he tells us about how they canceled their milk last week
and how, when he found a note in the bottle, he got kind of curious, like, and he
sort of peeked in under the blinds and found the house was empty.
If you ask me, he says they're starving.
Old man.
Delaney has been bringing his furniture over to my place at night,
one piece at a time and selling it.
Yeah.
And
well,
certainly a half dozen of us ran over there
to fetch him and we brought him to the meeting
and what a reception they got,
everybody shook hands with him and made a fuss over them.
And,
well,
finally Mr and Mrs Delaney just sat right down and cry and
then we started to find out about a lot of other people.
Yeah. Sure. Or, you know, Gruel,
for instance, Gruel's
here. You see.
Yeah,
that's
a,
of course, you don't know Gruel,
but
he's a man that
everybody figured was the worst. No account in the neighborhood because he,
he was living like a hermit
and nobody would have anything to do with him
at his little Murphy the postman told us the truth.
My gruel,
he says he lives out of garbage cans because
he won't take charity because it'll ruin his self-respect.
He says
just like you said on the radio, Mr Dell.
Well, sir, about a dozen families got together and gave gruel
a job watering their lawns. Isn't that wonderful?
And then we found jobs for six other people and they've all gone off for leave.
And my boss, Mr Schwabacher made a job in his warehouse for old man Delaney.
And he gave you that $5 raise. That
swell.
I bet
I, I feel slighted.
I'd like to join, but
nobody asked me, I'm sorry, mayor, but
we voted that no politician could join.
Just the John does of the neighborhood because
you know how politicians are.
Well, uh
the reason we wanted to tell you this Mr Doe was
to just to give you an idea of what you started
and from where I'm sitting, I,
I don't see any sense in you jumping off any building.
Well, thank you for listening.
And bye mister Doe.
You're a wonderful man.
And it strikes me, you can be mighty useful walking around for a while.
I'm Mrs Delaney. Mr Doe
and God bless you. My boy,
gee whiz.
I'm all mixed up.
I
don't get
it.
Look, all those swell people think I'm going to jump off a building or something.
I never had any such idea.
Gosh,
fellow would have to be a mighty fine example
himself to go around telling other people how to
say, look what happened the other night was on econom, Miss Mitchell here.
She wrote the stuff.
Don't you see what a wonderful thing this can be.
But we need you, John, you're hooked. I can see that right now. They got you.
Well, I'm through
for three years. I've been trying to get you up to the Columbia River country
first. It was your glass arm, then it was the radio and now it's the John Doe clubs.
Well, I ain't waiting another minute
gang. Were you?
Helos?
Hey, Colonel. Wait a minute.
I want you pre
to go along with John Doe and Miss Mitchell and handle the press on the radio.
Me, yes, I don't want to take any chances.
And Johnson, yes, Stevie, your crew will do the mop up job.
They'll follow John Doe into every town.
See that the clubs are properly organized and the chart is issued right.
There are only eight flags up there.
Now, I want to see that map covered before we get through.
This has been growing like wildfire. If they made demands, I'd understand it.
But the John Doe ask for nothing.
People are going off relief if this keeps up. I'll be out of a cow. As
soon as it gets strong enough, we'll find out what John Doe wants.
30 every Thursday 60 at 60. Who knows what I'm sorry, boss.
They just won't let anybody talk politics to them. It's crazy.
We've got to get to them.
They represent millions of voters.
I tell you, ladies and gentlemen,
this thing has been nothing short of a prairie fire.
We've received so many applications for charters to the John Doe clubs.
We haven't been able to take care of them. I hate to have that many pins stuck in me.
This John Doe convention is a natural. It's going to put our city on the map
by over 2400 John Doe clubs are sending delegates. Can you imagine that
you Mr Mayor will be the official host.
You will make the arrangements for decorating the city parades
and a reception for John Doe when he gets home
and don't wear your high hat,
no hat,
no high hat. And from you can
I want a special John Doe edition every day until the convention is over.
And now if you will please step into the outer office and look
your prettiest because there are photographers there
to take pictures of this committee.
Don't worry,
everything will be taken care of
Mr
Mayor. Would you step down in
front?
You
ladies get
close
to
that.
Well, I don't get it good. Well,
look,
I supposed to know my way around
this John Doe movement has cost you a fortune.
Now this convention is gonna cost plenty.
Well.
Well, I'm stuck with two and two and I'm a sucker if I can make four out of it.
Where are you coming?
I'll have the satisfaction of knowing that my money has been spent for a worthy cause
I say I better stick to running the paper. I
think maybe you better had
I can help.
I'd like to have the John Doe contract all the receipts for the money
we advanced with the letter M Mitchell wrote which I gave her $1000.
Yeah, for sure.
Well, we leave for the airport half an hour. Is that Johnny Boy's room better hustle
up.
He's packing. Oh, good. Did you see his picture on the cover of time?
Yeah,
I gotta give you credit an girl, I've handled a good many big promotions in my time.
Everything from a world's fair to a channel swimmer,
but this one has certainly got me spinning
and now a John Doe convention.
Wow.
Hey, if you could only get him to jump off the City Hall roof on Christmas Eve,
I guarantee you half a million people there. Charlie.
What do you make of him,
Johnny Boy.
Well,
I don't know what angle you want, but I'll give it to you quick.
Number one, he's got great Yokel appeal, but he's a nice guy.
Number two,
he's beginning to believe he really wrote that
original suicide letter that you made up.
Number three, he thinks that you
Jan
is something.
Yeah, I
know.
Number four.
Well,
you know what number four is,
he's nuts about
you. Yeah, it's running out of his ears.
You left out number five. We're all heels. Me especially.
Oh, Miss Smoke.
Come in
mo
pack. Good. I'll go and get beanie boy.
Ok, Charlie boy.
Uh
hm.
Can I help you pack?
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
Do you care if I sit down out here?
No.
Ok.
You know,
I had a crazy dream last night.
It is about you,
about me.
You
know,
you're always crazy.
I dreamt I was your father.
Ok.
Hm.
There was,
there was something I was trying to stop you from doing
so, uh,
so I got
up out of bed
and I walked right through the wall here, right straight into your room.
You know how dreams are
and, and, and there you were in bed
but you, you were a little girl, you know, about 10
and very pretty too.
So I, I shook you
and the moment you opened your eyes, you hopped out of bed
and started running like the devil in your nightgown.
You ran right out the window there and you ran out
over the tops of buildings and roofs and everything for miles.
And I was chasing you
and all the time you were running,
you kept growing bigger and bigger and bigger and
pretty soon you were as big as you are now,
you know,
growing up
and all the time, I kept, I kept asking myself, what am I chasing her for?
And I didn't know.
Isn't that a hot one?
Well, anyway, you ran into some place and then I ran in after you and
when I got there
there you were getting married
and
the nightgown had changed into a
beautiful wedding gown.
You sure look pretty too.
And then I knew what it was. I was trying to stop you from doing
dreams. Are you crazy, aren't they?
Well,
would you like to know who it was? You were marrying?
Oh, a
tall, handsome you bangy, I suppose.
No, not that bad. It was that fellow that sends you flowers every day.
Yeah. What's his name? Mr Norton's nephew
had Children.
Yeah, that's the one.
But here's the funniest part of it all.
I was the fellow up there doing the marrying, you know,
the Justice of Peace or something.
You were,
I thought you were chasing me.
Well, yes, I was. But I was your father then. You see,
but the real me, John Doe or
that is
Long John Willoughby. I was a fellow up there with a book.
You know what I mean?
I guess so.
Then what happened?
Well,
I took you across my knee and I started spanking you.
That is, I didn't do it.
I mean I did do it but it, it wasn't me. You see, how was your father then?
Well, Andrew crossed my knee and I said,
Annie,
I won't allow you to marry a man that's,
that's just rich.
Or that has a secretary send you flowers.
The man you marry has got to swim rivers for you. He's got to
climb high mountains for you. He's got the slay dragons for you.
He's got to perform wonderful deeds for you.
Yes, sir. And all the time, uh, the guy up there, you know, with the book me
just stood there on, in his head.
He said,
go to it. Pop. I get one for me because that's just the way I feel about it too.
So he said,
come on down here and whack her yourself. So I came down on her and I
whacked you a good one. See, and he whacked
and I whacked another one and we both started whacking you like,
well, if you're through whacking her, come on, let's get going.
Ok, fellows right in here.
You go out the site.
There's a bunch of autograph seekers out front.
We'll be down with the bags in a minute.
Come on. Don't make a government project out of this.
Hi Benny.
When does our plane take off again? A couple of minutes?
How many people do you think we've talked to already outside the radio? I mean,
oh, I
don't know
about 300,000,
300,000.
What makes them do it then?
That makes them come and listen
and, and
get up to John Doe clubs the way they do.
I've been trying to figure it out. Look, John,
what we're handing them a platitude. Things. They've heard a million times.
Love thy neighbor clouds have silver linings. Turn the other cheek.
Yeah, I heard them a million times too. But
there you are.
Maybe they're like me just
beginning to get an idea what those things mean.
I mean, I never thought much about people before.
They were always just somebody to fill up the bleachers.
The only time I worried about them is if they,
is when they didn't come in to see me pitch.
You know,
lately I've been watching them, when I talk to them,
I could see something in their faces.
I could feel it.
They were hungry for something.
You know what I mean?
Maybe that's why they came, maybe they're just lonely and
I wanted somebody to say hello to.
I know how they feel.
I've been lonely and hungry for something practically all my life.
All aboard folks.
That's
what
I,
that's true.
Oh, somebody else sitting here? No, no, no. That's your seat.
And this is your coat.
Mine. A
little token of appreciation.
Oh.
Mm.
Oh, it's beautiful. DB. Well,
I don't quite know what to say. You don't say anything at all. Just sit down.
Ah,
ok.
Go ahead. Open it, open it.
Oh.
Oh, it's lovely. And a new contract goes with it.
Well,
come on spring it, you've got something on your mind
must be stupendous.
You know, that's what I like about it. Right to the point like that.
All right. Thank
Glenny.
Here it is
tomorrow night
before a crowd of 15,000 people and talking over a nationwide radio hookup.
John Doe will
announced the formation of a third party. A third party
is the John Doe party
devoted entirely to the interests of all the John Doe all over the country,
which practically means
90% of the voters.
He will also announce the third party's candidate for the presidency.
A man whom he personally recommends a great humanitarian, the best friend.
The John does have
Mr Db Norton.
Yes.
Wow.
And although the opening of the convention is our off,
the delegates are already pouring into the
ballpark by the droves with lunch baskets,
banners and petitions asking John Doe not to jump off any roof.
But
how you
that it's still a phenomenal movie these John do
on the Hoi
Polloi as you've heard people call them have been laughed at and ridiculed,
but here they are gay and happy having traveled thousands of miles.
Their expenses paid by their neighbors who come here to pay homage to their heroes,
John Doe.
And in these days of wars and bombings,
it's a hopeful sign that a simple idea like this can sweep the country,
an idea based on friendliness on giving and not taking
on helping your neighbor and asking nothing in return.
And if a thing like this can happen,
don't let any of your grumbling friends tell you that humanity is falling apart.
This is John B Hughes signing off now and returning you to
our main studio until nine o'clock when the convention will officially open.
Oh, John, come in.
I say I'm kind of,
it's raining out.
That's all right. It's good to see you sit down.
Right.
It for an,
oh, how nice. Thank you very much. Flowers.
I'm terribly sorry. She isn't here.
She didn't.
No, she just left. I'm surprised you didn't run into her.
She went over to Mr Norton's house.
Oh,
did you want to see her about something important?
Yeah. Well, no, I'll wait.
So he's a nice man, isn't he, Mr Norton? I mean,
he's, uh,
he's done an awful lot for the,
well,
hey, my coat's pretty wet man.
I'm afraid I might have wet the couch a little.
Well, I guess I'll see her at the convention later. Yes, of course. I'll see that.
She gets the flowers.
Thanks.
Good night, Mr Mitchell. Good night, Jan.
Same as Metal.
I,
I'm kind of glad Anne isn't here.
You see, I was,
I came over here hoping to see her alone
and kind of hoping I wouldn't too. You know what I mean?
There was something I wanted to talk to her about.
Well, I can wait, I guess.
Good night.
Good night John.
Say, look Mrs Mitchell. Have you ever been married?
I'm sure you
go.
That's pretty silly.
But I guess you must think I'm kinda batty.
Oh, I guess I better be going with that.
J,
my husband said I love you. Will you marry me?
You didn't?
And what happened?
I married him.
Yeah. That's what I mean. See,
it was easy as all that.
Yeah. Yeah. But look Mrs Mitchell,
you know,
I, I love Anne and it's going to be awfully hard for me to say it
because,
well,
you know, she's so wonderful
and,
well, the best day ever was, was a Bush League pitcher
and, you know, I think she's in love with another man.
The one she made up,
you know, the real John Doe.
Well, that's, that's pretty tough competition.
I bet you he know how to say it. All right
for me. I, I get up to it and around it and the back of it but, but I never get right to it.
You know what I mean?
So the only chance I've got is
what if somebody could kinda give her a warning, sort of,
sort of prepare her for the shock.
You mean you'd like me to do it?
Well, I was thinking that,
yeah, you know, sort of break the ice.
Of course I will. John
thing was
thank you Mrs Mitchell
that you're ok.
This John Dome
is gonna be one of the biggest things that ever happened.
Why they're coming from all over trains, box cars, wagons.
You had your dinner
yet.
That's all right.
Go ahead and have your dinner. Wait a minute, John.
Hello? Mr
Cell.
All right, John.
John, I want to have a little talk with you.
What's, what's the matter? Are you a volume? Come in.
Hey, Paul Quack. Quack
Quack.
Say, tell me something. Did, did you read the speech you're gonna make tonight?
No, I never read the speeches before I make them. I get more of a kick out of it that way.
That's just exactly what I thought. Beanie. Go on down to the office.
Tell pa to give you the speech. There's a copy on my desk. Gee whiz boss.
You know, Mr Norton told me not to leave him. Not even for a minute.
We'll be at Jim's bar up the street.
You're a nice guy, John.
I like you,
you general,
I always like general people.
Me, I'm, I'm hard
up on my heart
but you want to know something.
I've got a weakness.
I guess that would you?
I know this
star spangled bar
school.
Well,
I bet is, but
play this size spangle banner. I'm a sucker for. It.
Always gets me right here.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, it gets me right back here.
Oh, back there, huh?
Well,
I remain to his own taste.
You,
you weren't old enough, you weren't old enough for the world wide were
yet.
No, no, that
is not.
Oh, you must have been just kidding.
I was,
I was just ripe
and where to go.
It was my old man did when I joined up.
He joined up too.
Got to be a sergeant.
And here's the kick for you.
We were in the same outfit.
Funny. Ah,
he was killed.
I saw him get it.
I was right there and I saw it with my eyes.
Me, I came out without a scratch
that is accepting my ulcers.
I should be drinking milk. You know, this stuff has poison
and somebody.
Yes, Mr Canal. Oh, yes, sir. All right.
I bought my soccer by this country.
I'm gonna suck her for the size
bangle matter and I'm a sucker for this country.
I like what we got here.
I like it.
A guy can say what he wants and do what
he wants without having a bandage shoved through his belly.
And that's all right.
You but you
man,
well, we don't want anybody coming around changing. I do
lose it.
Nasty.
When I do. I get mad.
I get boiled mad
right now, John, I'm sizzling.
I can men for a lot of other guys besides myself.
I get mad for a guy named Washington
and a guy named Jefferson
and Lincoln
Lighthouses. John
Lighthouses in a foggy world.
I know what I mean.
Yeah, you bet.
Um,
listen, pal
fifth, the fifth column stuff was pretty rotten, isn't it?
Yeah, it certainly is.
And you'd feel like an awful sucker if you
found yourself marching right in the middle of it,
wouldn't you?
You,
because you would have known her because
you were a gentle,
but that's what she doing.
You're mixed up with a skunk, my boy.
A no good dangerous skunk.
So you're not talking about Mr Norton, are you?
I'm not talking about his grandfather's pet poodle.
You must be wrong, Mr Cannell.
He's been marvelous about the John Doe clubs. Yeah.
Say
you're as sold on as John Doe,
aren't you?
Sure? Sure. I don't blame you. So am I,
it's a beautiful miracle
America. That can only happen
right here in the good old USA. And I think it's terrific.
What do you think of that?
Me? Hard boiled canal.
And I think it's plenty terrific.
All right
now, supposing a certain unable worm whose initials are DB
was trying to use that to shove his way into the White House
so he could put the screws on
so it could turn out the lights in those lighthouses.
What would you say about that? Huh?
Nobody's gonna do that Mr Canal.
They can't use the John Doe clubs for politics.
That's the main idea.
Does that sell
then? What's a big political boss like hammer doing in town
and a labor leader like Bennett
and a lot of other big
chefs is up at D B's house right now. Wolves. John
Wolves
waiting to cut up the John does.
Wait till you get a again of that speech you're gonna make tonight. You're all wet.
Miss Mitchell writes those speeches.
Nobody can make her write that kind of stuff they can, huh?
Who do you think writes them? May a
Emma?
I know she writes them
and gets a big bonus for doing them too. A
mink coat and a diamond bracelet.
Don't write them.
Well,
that girl grabbing Dame would double cross her
own mother for a handful of Chinese yen.
Shut up.
If you weren't drunk, I'd,
hey, Boss,
here's the speech. Boss.
Hey,
on and read it John and then start sucking.
Hey, wait a minute, Mr Doll
Toby.
Yes. Better bring me a glass of milk.
I, I'm smoking too much.
Yes, Charlie
got everything all set.
Fine. John Doan
taken care of.
Go ahead.
How many people do you think will be there?
15,000?
Oh my, that's fine.
Now, listen, Charlie.
As soon as John Doe stops talking about me, I want you to start that demonstration
and make it a big one. You understand. Don't worry about that. DB my boys are there.
They'll take care of it.
Well,
yes, I'll be there 15 minutes after I get your call.
Why Mr Doe?
Where are they
in the dining rooms?
Gentlemen, I think we're about ready to throw that great big bombshell
in
time.
Even a conservative estimate shows that we can count on
anywhere between 10 and 20 million John Doe votes.
I add to that the labor vote that Mr Bennett will throw in and
the votes controlled by Mr Hammett and the rest of you
gentlemen in your own territories and nothing can stop us.
As I said before, I'm with you
providing, you can guarantee the John Doe vote. Don't worry about that.
You can count on me on one condition.
Little Bennett's got to be taken care of.
Didn't I tell you that everybody in this room would be taken care of
my agreement with you gentlemen. Stands,
I'm with you DB. But I still think it's a very daring thing we're attempting.
These are daring times. Mr Barrington,
we're coming to a new order of things.
There's too much talk going on in this country.
Too many concessions have been made.
What the American people need is an iron hand. You're right. That's
right.
And now,
may I offer a little toast to his Aunt Mitchell?
The brilliant and beautiful lady who is responsible for all this
Mr Norton. I'd like to talk to you alone for a minute.
Mitchell has something to say to us.
Hello,
John. I'm so glad to see you. I was terribly worried. Did you write this?
Yes, I did Joan, but I, I had no idea what was going on.
You didn't?
No,
that's a swell bracelet you're wearing,
John. Why aren't you at the convention?
Is there anything wrong?
No, no, nothing's wrong.
Everything's fine.
So there's going to be a new order of things, huh?
Everybody's going to cut himself a nice fat slice of the John Doe.
Hey,
you forgot one detail, Mr big shot. You forgot me. The prize stooge of the world.
Why if you or anybody else thinks he's going to
use the John Doe clubs for his own rotten purpose.
He's going to have to do it over my dead body. Well, hold on a minute, young man.
Hold on. That's rather big talk.
I started the John Doe clubs with my money
and I'll decide whether or not they're being properly used. No, you won't.
You're through deciding anything and what's more
I'm going down to that convention and I'm going to tell those people exactly what
you and all your fine feathered friends here are trying to cook up for them
and I'm going to say it in my own words this time.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, fella. My uncle wants to talk to you, listen to me, my son
before you lose your head completely.
May I remind you that I picked you up out of
the gutter and I can throw you right back there again.
You've got a nerve accusing people of things these gentlemen and
I know what's best for the John does of America,
regardless of what trends like you think.
Get off that righteous horse of yours and come to your senses.
You're the fake we believe in what we are doing.
You're the one that was paid the 30 pieces of silver. Have you forgotten that?
Well, I haven't,
you're a fake John Doe and I can prove it.
You're the big hero that's supposed to jump off tall buildings and things.
Do you remember?
What do you suppose your precious John does,
will say when they find out that you never had any intention of doing it,
that you were being paid to say.
So
you're lucky they didn't run you out of the country
with the newspapers and the radio stations that these gentlemen control.
We can kill the John Doe movement deader than a doornail. We'll do it too.
The moment you step out of line.
Now,
if you still want to go to that convention and shoot
your trap or if you go ahead and do it.
Ok. Right.
You mean to tell me you try to kill the John Doe movement.
If you can't use it to get what you want,
you bet your bottom dollar. We would.
Well, that certainly is a new low,
I guess I've seen everything. Now,
you sit there back in your big cigars and think of deliberately
killing an idea that's made millions of people a little bit happier,
an idea that's brought thousands of them here from
all over the country by bus and by freight and
jalopies and on foot so they could pass on
to each other their own simple little experiences.
Why? Look,
I'm just a mug and I know it,
but I'm beginning to understand a lot of things
why your type is as old as history.
If you can't lay your dirty fingers on a decent idea and twist
it and squeeze it and stuff it out of your own pocket.
You slap it down like dogs. If you can't eat something, you bury it.
Why this is the one worthwhile thing that's come along.
People are finally find out that the guy next door isn't a bad egg.
That's simple, isn't it?
And yet a thing like that's got a chance of spreading
until it touches every last doggone human being in the world.
And you talk about, about killing it
or when this fire dies down, what's going to be left?
More misery, more hunger and more hate.
And what's to prevent that from starting all over again?
Nobody knows the answer to that one and certainly not.
You or those slammy bollocked up theories. You got
the John Doe idea may be the answer though.
It may be the one thing capable of saving this cockeyed world.
Yet you sit back there on your fat Hulk and tell me you'll kill it if you can't use it.
Well, you go ahead and try,
you couldn't do it in a million years with all your radio stations
and all your power because it's bigger than whether I'm a fake,
it's bigger than your ambitions and it's bigger than
all the bracelets and fur coats in the world
is John. And that's exactly what I'm going down there to tell those people
cancer
if you are ungrateful. Right. My ombudsman. Too good to
getting away.
Yeah,
he's
a
yeah,
I have all the to
of TV. You're playing with dynamite
before
he gets to
rule it.
Stop, stop and call. Don't worry, I've been ready for this
John. Please listen to me please. I can explain everything John.
I didn't know what they were going to do. Let me go with you John.
Go ahead drive in the ballpark.
Please let me go with you, please,
Mr
Park. He wants to see you listen to me. May I love what you do?
As I say, I want them both arrested. You tell the police department to pick up canal.
I've got the girl here. I've got the bullet. I don't care what you charge him with.
If you're worried, let him go in the morning but keep him in jail overnight.
Hello
for
condo.
Ladies and gentlemen,
one more
time,
we begin in four prayer.
Finally,
ladies and gentlemen,
let us have a moment of silent prayer
for the John does all over the world,
many of whom
are homeless
and hungry.
Try please.
Everybody lies.
Ok.
Newsboys, hundreds of yelling,
Newsboys are swarming into the park like Locusts and yelling
Zs
are fake
investigation, urged by chamber of commerce. How could he be a fake? It
must be some kind of a gang
know your places now. So let's get going. Wait for the
this
I
can
clean
your
whole
if you don't
from
this
right?
Like
motivations, gentlemen,
My name is TB Norton. You all know me.
I accuse this man of being a faker.
We've been taken for a lot of suckers and I'm the biggest of the lot.
I spend a fortune backing this man in what I believe
to be a sincere and worthy cause just as you all did
and now I find out it's nothing but a cheap racket cooked up by him
and two of my employees for the sole purpose of collecting Jews from Jam do
all over the country. That's a lie. Not
a lie. Nichols and dimes to stuff into their own pockets.
You can read all about it in the newspapers there.
That's a lie. Listen,
do you believe what? This man had no intention of jumping off the top of a building?
He was paid to say. So do you deny that
got nothing to do with it?
Were you paid for it though, aren't you? Yes, I was paid for the.
What about the suicide note? You didn't write that either.
What
difference did you write it or didn't you? No, I didn't write it.
You bet your life you didn't.
You look at your papers, ladies and gentlemen, and you'll find
it's a
confession that she was the one who wrote. Listen, folks.
It's a fact that I didn't write the letter there. You see, he admits it.
You're a fake John Doe
and for what you have done to all these good people,
they got to run you out of the country
and I hope they do it.
Speak up. Girl. We believe you.
Please listen for
a, he's
shooting off his face. I've got a couple of things to tell you about.
Come on, the rest of you get in here and riot break this crowd up.
Come on, I'm sorry, folks, but we can't hear them anymore.
Something's gone wrong with the loudspeakers
and those of faith.
they, they can't hear me.
It. Not
ladies and gentlemen,
this thing's bigger than whether I'm a fake.
Oh,
you believe me,
watch you.
Sure.
I believe you
walking my legs off thinking of 5000 signatures for a phony.
Well, there you are Mr Doe, 5000 names asking you not to jump out of the route.
It makes no difference. Burden
the idea is still good. We don't have to give up our club. Uh Well, you can have it.
They're starting to throw things, somebody's going to get hurt.
I'm afraid it will be calm. Go listen to that man.
I'm gonna
go.
All right.
Oh,
please let me go. They rely and
I
can help it.
We got orders the whole
a
listen
me
stick to your clubs. We've been fed baloney so long we're getting used to it.
No,
finally managed to get him out of the park
and that boy isn't hurt. It'll be a miracle.
Ladies and gentlemen, this certainly looks like the end of the John Doe
well, boys, you can chalk up another one of the Pontius pilots.
I should have been.
I could have helped him.
He was so all alone.
A lot of us are gonna be mighty ashamed of ourselves after tonight.
It certainly didn't give that man much of a chance.
Have some more coffee. Long John.
No, thanks to
it. Cheek
the
host. Why don't you jump Christmas Eve at midnight?
Mr Dole.
You're a wonderful man
and God bless you.
Now get in there and catch
a John Doe and I can prove it.
You're the big hero supposed to jump off tall buildings and
things.
Do you remember?
What do you suppose your precious John does?
Will say when they find out that you never had any intention of
doing it that you were being paid to say so Christmas Eve at midnight
and
right
baby
school.
Thank you.
You,
Merry Christmas son.
Merry Christmas.
I
say
thank you so much.
Oh
Cha
up.
Is that screwball still around? Uh Dean's been calling all day? Sure. Sure. I know.
Yeah. At midnight. Huh?
Ok, lady. We'll have the place surrounded with net.
They're laughing at me.
You're a sick girl an you better take it easy.
Who are you calling now?
You called that number? Not 10 minutes ago?
Hello, Mr Kell.
Have you seen him yet? Have you now?
Listen, Ian, he can't possibly get in without our seeing him.
I'm watching the side door and the colonel's out front. So stop worrying.
Thank you.
What an
an, don't be foolish
if this isn't the craziest, the battiest, the Lonis wild goose chase I ever heard.
Shut up. Bert sourpuss is right. Yeah. Well, if he is, I'm a banana split.
That man is gonna be on that roof. Don't ask me how I know.
I just know and you know it as well as I do. Sure. Sure.
I'd like to believe in fairy tales,
but a guy that's a fake isn't gonna jump off any roof.
I don't think he was any fake. Not with that face.
And anyway, what he stood for wasn't a fun. Ok, honey. Ok.
Yeah.
Mhm.
Elevators ain't running
colonel.
We shouldn't have got out of bed. Miss,
has he been here? Have you seen him? I ain't seen him for a week. Where's canal?
He's watching you the door. I'll get your soil.
Oh,
no sense in going up there. I've been here for hours. He ain't here. Let me go
now. That's crazy. It's 14 floors.
Thank you.
As far as the elevator goes, we got to walk up to the tower.
Yeah.
What?
Ok.
It
that tramp was probably full of Christmas cheer and asleep in some flap
house. Let's go. I've got to decorate my tree.
I give up.
I don't know what gave us the idea that we need attempt anything like this.
I guess you're right.
I'm afraid the joke's on us.
Let's go. I hope nobody finds out. We've been here.
I wouldn't do that if I were you, John?
It'll do you no good.
The mayor has policemen downstairs
with instructions to remove all marks of
identification you may have on your person.
You will be buried in Paters Field and you will have accomplished nothing.
I've taken care of that.
I've already mailed a copy of this letter to Mr Cannell
John. Why don't you forget this foolishness? Stop right where you are, Mr Norton.
If you don't want to go overboard with me,
I'm glad you gentlemen are here.
You killed the John Doe movement. All right,
but you're gonna see it born all over again.
Now. Take a good look Mr Norton.
Yeah.
Oh John.
No,
no, I would let you,
darling.
Oh, please
please don't give up. We'll start all over again.
Just you and I
it isn't too late that you
don't move in, isn't it yet?
You see John, it isn't dead or they wouldn't be here. It's alive in there.
They kept it alive by being afraid.
That's why they came up here.
Oh darling,
you,
you have been killed. It was dishonest
but we can start clean now.
Just you and I
it'll grow John and it'll grow big because it'll be honest
this
time.
Oh John, if it's worth dying for, it's worth living for.
Oh, please John.
Oh.
Oh, please please God help
me.
Yeah.
Yeah,
Joan. Look at me.
You wanna be honest, don't you?
Well, you don't have to die to keep the John Doe idea alive.
Someone already died for that once
the first John Doe
and he's kept that idea alive for nearly 2000 years.
It was he who kept it alive and then,
and he'll go on keeping alive forever and always
for
every John don't move with these men killing you and we'll be born.
That's why those bells are ringing John.
They're calling to us not to give up but to keep on fighting to keep on pitching. Oh,
don't you see, darling, this is no time to give up. You are not John.
We
oh no,
no John. If you die, I wanna die too.
00 I love you too,
Mr Doe.
You don't have to.
We're with you Mr Doe.
We just lost our heads and acted like a mob. What Bert's trying to say is that
we need you, Mr Dope.
There were a lot of us that didn't believe what that man said.
We were gonna start up our John Doe club again. Whether we saw you or not. Were we bet?
And there were a lot of others that were gonna do the same thing.
Well, Mr Sharp was even got a letter from his cousin in Toledo.
I got it right here, Mr Doe. I'll need, I'll need to be a lot easier with you.
Please.
Please come with us, Mr Doe
Long John
Doe
you will help me with it.
She'll
go take it right down to the car,
got a
car,
they are not in the people try and lick that.